Malfeas

Ah yes, running behind again. All the sudden I went from scrounging for work to working overtime. Sorry I haven’t been as prolific, Internets.

But alas, what you’ve all (two of you) been waiting for…

*for the uninitiated, I don’t mean “Third World” as in poverty conditions, I mean the precursor to Kirby’s Fourth World. If you still don’t know what I mean… boy, you really are uninitiated. Why are you reading my blog?

Wow, the week in which I bought twice as many Marvel books… weird.

Detective Comics #844

Adorable.

Really classic story and wraps up a bunch of stuff Dini has laid out during his run. I’m not sure if he’s nearing his sign-off, or just wrapping up a bunch of stuff at once or what. But it was very reminiscent of some old bat-stuff.

In a good way.

Nightwing #144

Ass. Total ass.

It's not necessarily the story itself. For instance, the Mother of Champions part was like reading a whole other book. It’s all the rest of the baggage Tomasi brings to the table that kills it for me.

The story suffers from nigh-unreadable ridiculousness, not the least of which is Talia Al’Ghul’s—trained assassin with bottomless pockets and connections across the world through the Society and otherwise—best idea is to spend trillions animating an undead army on a remote high-tech island... which predictably ends badly.

Not, y’know, hiring some thugs or going underground.

Now, I’ve already dropped Nightwing, that’s it, I’m done. In case you missed it here’s why. (Also, I finally found someone who agrees with me!).

But I present to you the best page in Tomasi's run.


“Silence is golden.”

Why? B/c he shuts up and just lets Nightwing be cool. Nightwing is already cool, he doesn't need you constantly flapping his gums, making him bang strange chicks or fly around on his marvelous machine.

I can only suggest everyone go back and read the early trades, where McDaniel drew him as an acrobat who looked at the world as a series of things he could land on or continue his momentum off of.

I wish I could convince you all that you deserve better. But so far the internets are just so deliriously pleased it’s not X creator, they’re breaking their legs running to the shop to shower money on this tripe.

Dick, you know where I’ll be when the flash is out of the pan.

Rann Thanagar: Holy War #1

If this storyline finally goes somewhere, great. Otherwise what are we really doing?

So far, so good, though. Starlin really rocks space and it'll be nice to see all these dangling storylines come together and maybe do something. I would like for that to be the goal. Not just selling me 8 issues about some crap no one really cares about.

I would like to compliment Captain—er, just “Comet” on both the scene where he debriefs the JLA (and charges for it), giving them the heads up nobody wants their dirty Earth anyway; and also for his new lease on life which he intends to get his full value from:


“Adam Strange? You haven't seen me.”

In other news, Kori doesn't take orders from Robin.

Speak of Kori, I’d rather her be in space written by Starlin then on earth written by Winnick. I actually like Kori (or have historically), but she really has nothing going for her other than sitting around and sucking the air out of rooms anymore.

Put her in space where she fulfills a niche and can actively claim some amount of specialty.

Iron Man: Viva Las Vegas #1

Really cute, albeit short.

I have a feeling this whole story could've been sorted out in one issue, but they made it four anyway. Still, for Favreau's foray into comics, it's pretty alright.

Plus, Elsa Bloodstone.


“If Monica Rambeaux calls, you haven’t seen me.”

As you can see the art is double-G gorgeous.

Invincible Iron Man #1

I see why the kids are digging the Fraction.

This book has a good hook and you can dance to it, but it still stars an unrepentant Tony Stark, probably controlling satellites with his mind.

I would ask for a) some context (though I recognize that's probably a selling point), and b) some limitations on Tony’s power set.

Fraction is good enough at his job that the badguy comes along nicely.

But especially riding the movie wave, I would rather see Iron Man go back to a guy in a suit who builds bigger suits when he needs to beat somebody.

Mighty Avengers #13

I wish *I* had 18 different series to spread my story through.

Considering Secret Invasion has clocked in at approximately seven minutes in two issues, it's probably a good thing New and Mighty Avengers are around to pick up the light work laying all the rest of the pieces on the board.

This issue did have one of two Layla Miller appearances and that's always a good thing.


“Have fun storming the castle. If Fury asks, you haven't seen me.”

Which unfortunately indicates this is another crossover which won't touch on mutants. This faux segregation has to stop in my opinion.

My girlfriend Illyana Rasputin had a breakdown and it was absolutely Daredevil's problem. The Marauders slaughtered the Morlocks and Thor came across Angel's body in the sewer. Magneto turned a new leaf and the Avengers had to track him down for war crimes. Good stories, all.

Instead of drawing a line down the center of the Marvel Universe Greg and Marsha Brady-like, let's get back to a place where they can contribute.

I could appreciate it if Marvel were taking precious time to fix their franchise, but they're not, they just keep stirring the water wondering where the number one selling comic of all time went.

It’s time for mutants to remind the Marvel U they’re people too, and a Skrull Invasion affects them as much as anybody.

Secret Invasion #2

Good follow up, but this is taking too long. I mean it, seven minutes have passed since the first panel of last issue. I understand this is Bendis but it’s a little egregious even for him.

Still, I won’t argue that this story continues its inevitable march to slickness.

Maybe this will put Tony back into a suit that doesn't control satellites. I would like that.


“Did you know this suit is really heavy.”

The punking of Sentry is always amusingly easy. Seriously, as DC's Superman, Bob continues to fail. However, Spider-man versus Spider-man is must read comics right there.


“Are you my Skrull, or the Skrull of one of my clones?”

Does Clint not know how nunchukas work, or Leinel?


“You know you’re supposed to hold one end, right Clint?”

I mean, it’s comedy gold each time, but that’s seriously not how those are used.

X-Factor One Shot #1: The Quick and The Dead

I have to pay closer attention. This is another GDing One-Shot.

Granted, this one is actually written by Peter David and it's a nice little issue that hopefully puts Pietro back where he should be.

But you could’ve not bought this issue and your life (and run of X-Factor) would be just as complete.

But it did have the other Layla appearance this week.


“All I want for Christmas is you choking on your gum.”

Buffy the Vampire Slayer #14

I gotta tell you, this storyline is doing less and less for me. But I'm reading several worse comics a month still, so it's a long way from the drop list.

DCUniverse #0

Looks good.

Eat it. Internets.

Escarabajo Azul #26

Bueno!

I’m proud to say I got most of the story by using my drunken grasp of High School Spanish. Only to find the translation in the back afterwards.

Still, I did okay even if the translation apparently is… muy malo? That confuses me, wouldn’t you have gotten a native speaker to write the all-Spanish issue?

Is this just the difference between Mexican and Spanish kind of bad translation? A Spanglish bad translation? Or is it just a bad translation? If it’s the last, that’s awful. Lucky me, I’m none the wiser and enjoyed it lots.

More important was seeing other creators “get” Jaime. That’s going to be important moving forward.

Green Lantern #30

Whoa, Hal Jordan is Green Lantern?!

Wow.

Oh, right, sorry: *spoilers*.

Teen Titans #58

Y'know, I pretty much forget what happens. Megan is nuts or something? B/c it was too much to ask to have a character on this team not consumed with world-breaking angst.

I dunno, I really don’t even have anything to say about it. I probably need to stop reading b/c it runs as hot and cold as I do.

Here, Jon say something prescient for me.

Teen Titans: Year One #5

Still a lot of fun, although it confuses me why this series is still going.

Everybody loves Robin? Of course they do. Maybe Antithesis will use that as conflict for the next time it rears its ugly head? I dunno.

That said, I would absolutely read an ongoing in this setting. Like X-Men: First Class. It’s twenty times more delightful than the actual Teen Titans.

This part is cute all over:


“Not-t en-enough g-gun.”

We’re all having fun painting Garth* as the Goofus of the sea and all. But seriously, Garth was never like this in the Teen Titans. Nor as pathetic as Waid’s recent Brave and the Bold.

You want some classic Garth?


“Who’s Gallant now, Dick?!”

There’s some classic Garth. All Jew-fro and handsome, punching out Dicks who don’t lend a hand. Now that’s good Aqualad.

Avengers: Initiative#12

A new Artist at this stage in the game was a bad idea. Keeping everything pat for all 12 issues could only have made the framing of this series more kickass.

With that said, the framing of this series was kickass.

Compare the last panel of this issue to the first panel of the first issue. Now shed a single tear for you have seen the mountain, and it was good.

So, do we move right onto the next class or what? I kind of want more on these characters, but I’ll definitely be sticking around.

Mighty Avengers#40

Two Avengers issues (New/Mighty) without a single Avenger in them and huge tracts of back-story. Wasn’t there sort of a promise (as there always is) that reading everything wouldn’t be necessary?

Not if you don't mind missing everything. (sigh). Anyway, I hope Final Crisis is better about that.

Despite this, it was pretty awesome. Both Avengers issues read as Secret Invasion issues 1.a and 1.b, but its all great so far.

Random scene that made me laugh:

“So, are you bad cop, or…?”

Legion of Superheroes #41

There were a few neat tricks herein, like hiding so well, you're discovered by being too hidden. That’s cool.

Also, this was one of many funny moments of the issue:


Braniac 5 is officially the bee’s tits.

Now let’s get into the real meat and potatoes issue of the week. This:


“But slavery is illegal in UP space… oooooooooh.”

And my knee jerked.

It took me some talking through before I came to peace with why my knee jerked.

Listen, I’ve heard harsher requests come out of girl’s mouths before. It’s not the frank invitation to obliterate her uterus that bothers me, necessarily—actually I’m more bothered by the internet presumption this makes Imra submissive, or a bottom. Imra is telling Garth* to own her… all but ordering. That’s not submissive.

Nor is Imra asking Garth to tie her up and electrocute her; Imra is asking Garth to throw her around the pillows and give her a 24 hour limp. That’s as fair as things get in love and war.

I can make any amount of justifications for this being perfectly in line with Imra’s character (actually, resident Legion expert hza helped come up with several that are quite convincing) but, frankly, I shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t have to read this in the first place.

My problems are thus:

First: LoSH is one of the few books I would otherwise recommend to anyone. Now I’m hesitant. I think Light Lass taking Karate Kid to her bed “just ‘cause” is perfectly fine. I got no problem with Shooter admitting kids have the sex. They do. Apparently he was revolutionary back on his original runs of the series by showing characters in bed.

But that’s just it, showing a couple in bed (or inviting each other to bed) is one thing; having one ask the other to jackhammer her womb until she supernovas like the three suns of Cargg is quite another. If (presumably) grown men and women read this and think BDSM, I’m less convinced that a teen/tween/pre-tween is going to understand the nuance at play in this panel and that it’s only nice to “own” girls who ask nicely.

Second, and this is the bigger one: This is private talk. If a girl-friend said this to a boy-friend in front of me, I’d feel just as uncomfortable. I don’t need to be thinking about my girl-friend that way. Similarly, Imra and Garth are my friends, and I don’t need to know how they get down on Titan on a Wednesday night. I just don’t. I feel like I walked in on this scene and should excuse myself before the pwning begins b/c that wasn’t for me to hear.

Ultimately, the panel is just a set-up for an otherwise funny scene where not only does Imra not get owned, she gets kicked out of bed entirely in favor of some alien asskicking what needs a’doing.

However most of the last half of the book is a blur as I kept wondering if I should go back in there and apologize or would that only make it more uncomfortable for all of us?

I dunno, maybe I’m being prudish in my old age, but I felt this crossed an invisible line.

*Not to be confused with Lightning Lad
**Not to be confused with Aqualad

Be buying DC Universe 0.

For less than the cost of a can of soda you get to see what’s coming up in the DCU this year, and it looks fucking great: As we speak I’m trying to talk myself out of buying Batman R.I.P. but the preview looks rock solid. Legion of Three Worlds looks out of this world… no pun intended... until now. And Wonder Woman could use a little direction to ensure maximum ass-kickery from the purloined pen of Ms. Gail Simone. (*)

Really, with DC stashing a bunch of spring-loaded awesome on their syllabus and Bendis breaking bad with Skrull-fuck after Skrull-fuck over Marvel way, it should be a good year to be a comics fan... as opposed to last year which was a huge fucking letdown.

What's to prevent this from being a huge fucking letdown?

Nothing, I'll grant you. But with DC not trying so hard, and learning all the right lessons from Sinestro Corps War. And Bendis subversively kick-starting Secret Invasion without telling anyone (thus avoiding Marvel Editorial's recent rash of nigh-incompetence) I think the next year is in good hands.

Also support your local comic shop on Free Comic Book Day, net some free comics, pick up a free Iron Man HeroClix figure, and maybe bring an extra 50 cents to have your fanboy/girl balls/uterus kicked in by two of the best names in comics today.

Yeah, yeah, I just called Morrison and Johns two of the best in comics. Even I can’t deny them at this point.

Yea though I reserve the right to hate them unmerciful should they falter even a little.

*Oh, yeah, and you know who kind of comes back to life, so there's that.

Quick thoughts this week as I’m sandwiched with unrelenting word count

*X person is a Skrull has replaced—Skrull-like—“Superboy Prime did it”