So, my wife and the Dollar Bin crew have asked independently: What would I do to fix Nightwing?

I have such a problem with how he’s being handled, than put up or shut up, smart-guy. Right? So, WWMD to put Nightwing where he wants him?

The place I feel most people go wrong is assuming something's missing. Nothing is missing. Nightwing is awesome, period. You don’t need to heap a whole bunch of new crap on him. You just need a good background for Dick to stand out against.



To start fresh I would tell a story about Dick having to watch Gotham while Bruce goes off on some JLA excursion. I don’t think anyone has ever dealt with what happens while Batman is stuck in space fighting Super-Intelligent Orbs from the Ultraverse before. I’d like to see what life is like when Dick is put in charge of the Bat-house.

Unlike so many people I don’t belabor how much Dick is just never ever ever going to be Batman "b/c he’s his own man". I file that under: 'Duh'. He’s still his surrogate father’s son though, and better than him by the old man's estimation.



Bruce is out of town indefinitely, and Dick is put in charge to make sure the city doesn’t devolve into chaos (I fear this is more or less how Batman R.I.P. is shaping up, but screw them, this is my idea) while he’s off saving the world.

Of course, something goes wrong; someone smells weakness and blows Arkham open.

ZOMG, Is it Bane?! Spoiler Warning: It isn't.

B/c what I really want is Dick v. The Arkham Irregulars. I want Dick up against Scarecrow, Joker, Zsasz, Penguin, Killer Croc, and of course Two-Face. Complete with guest spots from whoever I can get. A big through-line for Dick with spill-over into other books if they felt like taking some.

Dick wouldn't try to do it alone, at least not once it really blows up, thus providing our B-Story. The best way to tell comics is showing, not telling (among Tomasi’s problems is he keeps telling you things you already know). By watching how Dick interacts with the larger Bat community, villains and heroes alike our point that Dick isn't Batman will be made for us without having to reiterate it at every step.

So, let’s say I have a year, 12 issues, to tell more or less how Dick deals with Bruce's different villains/challenges. Start with the low end of Killer Croc, move into the middle-tier, like, Poison Ivy on up to Joker and his ilk.



Joker will actually feature ridiculously early. A) he’s not Dick’s foil, which means Dick isn’t as susceptible to him as Batman is. B) If Joker happens in Issue #4, you force the reader to say "Holy fuck, who’s left?"



Zsasz, and Scarecrow, bitches!

They’re much better villains and frankly, ones I’m more into writing. Dick dispatches Robin and Catwoman to deal with the lesser threats like, Penguin, Mad Hatter and the like.

If the story is set in current continuity, his dealings with Babs will amount to “Thanks a lot for calling me when you got back, dick”. Dick asks for help, and she tells him to get bent more or less (relax, we’ll have some help come and save his bacon later. Angry doesn’t mean letting him die... you don’t get to win the argument that way).

Now, by Issue #9 when we get to Two-Face, astute readers will assume this must be the big showdown. Two-Face scarred young Richard as a boy, so now yadda-yadda-yadda.



I’m pretty sure Dixon already wrote the essential story where Dick gets over Two-Face, so I won’t bother rewriting the invention of the wheel. It's just another false wall. Yeah, Two-Face will be explored as Dick’s one-time weakness, but he’s not who we’re here for.

The big villain is Deathstroke, b/c he’s awesome and arguably Dick’s real arch-enemy—even when they’re getting along.



I don’t know how Slade became Ollie’s arch-enemy, but that’s ridiculous. The chip on Deathstroke's shoulder all comes back to Nightwing, and he’s the one trying to pull a Bane on our boy. He figures either Dick won’t be able to do it, and dies a disgrace; or he does it, exhausts himself and Slade moves in for the kill.

Either way, Slade wins, b/c that’s how Slade’s plans roll.

Dick finally tracks him down and is all ready to get into it with him, but Slade has no interest in facing the former Boy Wonder just yet. It's only Issue #10. Nightwing is still far too fresh despite all the trash-collection he’s had to do throughout this arc. Slade takes a step back, and Prometheus steps up to the plate.

Yeah, Prometheus. B/c fuck you that’s why.

Prometheus puts Dick through a helluva beating, taking out any and all back-up Dick brought. Let's face it, Prometheus shits bigger than Tim and Selina combined; he beat up the Justice League using karate for crying out loud. Oh sure, everyone gets a rock’n’roll moment or two insomuch as they don’t fall down right away, but really, Prometheus has made not giving a fuck into its own martial art.

This is when that phone call to Barb comes back and the Birds come in to even the odds... a little. They tie up the purple-armored douche-bag long enough for Dickie Bird to outsmart him, and hack his helmet thanks to Oracle. We’re not going to reuse the Stephen Hawking gambit, per se, but he’s not getting back up either way.

Now it’s on like Donkey Kong. Dick has proven how unlike Batman he is a couple times over in this story: trusting the Gotham PD to take care of a problem at a crucial point; calling in help when he needed it; etc.

Now he proves how like his adoptive father he is: when he calls everyone off to take care of Slade himself.

Issue 12 rounds out the series with Dick v. Slade with room leftover for denoument and thanks. Batman returns asking Dick how it went for a good punch-out, tongue-in-cheek ending like “It was quiet” or some nonsense.

There’s my year of Nightwing right there.

If I was really smart I’d have some Mother’s Day fight lined up to finish off Yo’ Mama Week…. Well, I don’t know how smart I am, but I can bring you Addie Wilson’s boy fighting a fleet-footed orphan.

Yeah, let’s do that.

Tonight’s card:

Joseph “Jericho” Wilson

versus

Richard Jonathan “Nightwing” Grayson

First appearance of Nightwing (as Nightwing) and Joe (as Jericho) brought to you by Marv Wolfman and George Perez. Two bad mothers in their own right.

Wow, the week in which I bought twice as many Marvel books… weird.

Detective Comics #844

Adorable.

Really classic story and wraps up a bunch of stuff Dini has laid out during his run. I’m not sure if he’s nearing his sign-off, or just wrapping up a bunch of stuff at once or what. But it was very reminiscent of some old bat-stuff.

In a good way.

Nightwing #144

Ass. Total ass.

It's not necessarily the story itself. For instance, the Mother of Champions part was like reading a whole other book. It’s all the rest of the baggage Tomasi brings to the table that kills it for me.

The story suffers from nigh-unreadable ridiculousness, not the least of which is Talia Al’Ghul’s—trained assassin with bottomless pockets and connections across the world through the Society and otherwise—best idea is to spend trillions animating an undead army on a remote high-tech island... which predictably ends badly.

Not, y’know, hiring some thugs or going underground.

Now, I’ve already dropped Nightwing, that’s it, I’m done. In case you missed it here’s why. (Also, I finally found someone who agrees with me!).

But I present to you the best page in Tomasi's run.


“Silence is golden.”

Why? B/c he shuts up and just lets Nightwing be cool. Nightwing is already cool, he doesn't need you constantly flapping his gums, making him bang strange chicks or fly around on his marvelous machine.

I can only suggest everyone go back and read the early trades, where McDaniel drew him as an acrobat who looked at the world as a series of things he could land on or continue his momentum off of.

I wish I could convince you all that you deserve better. But so far the internets are just so deliriously pleased it’s not X creator, they’re breaking their legs running to the shop to shower money on this tripe.

Dick, you know where I’ll be when the flash is out of the pan.

Rann Thanagar: Holy War #1

If this storyline finally goes somewhere, great. Otherwise what are we really doing?

So far, so good, though. Starlin really rocks space and it'll be nice to see all these dangling storylines come together and maybe do something. I would like for that to be the goal. Not just selling me 8 issues about some crap no one really cares about.

I would like to compliment Captain—er, just “Comet” on both the scene where he debriefs the JLA (and charges for it), giving them the heads up nobody wants their dirty Earth anyway; and also for his new lease on life which he intends to get his full value from:


“Adam Strange? You haven't seen me.”

In other news, Kori doesn't take orders from Robin.

Speak of Kori, I’d rather her be in space written by Starlin then on earth written by Winnick. I actually like Kori (or have historically), but she really has nothing going for her other than sitting around and sucking the air out of rooms anymore.

Put her in space where she fulfills a niche and can actively claim some amount of specialty.

Iron Man: Viva Las Vegas #1

Really cute, albeit short.

I have a feeling this whole story could've been sorted out in one issue, but they made it four anyway. Still, for Favreau's foray into comics, it's pretty alright.

Plus, Elsa Bloodstone.


“If Monica Rambeaux calls, you haven’t seen me.”

As you can see the art is double-G gorgeous.

Invincible Iron Man #1

I see why the kids are digging the Fraction.

This book has a good hook and you can dance to it, but it still stars an unrepentant Tony Stark, probably controlling satellites with his mind.

I would ask for a) some context (though I recognize that's probably a selling point), and b) some limitations on Tony’s power set.

Fraction is good enough at his job that the badguy comes along nicely.

But especially riding the movie wave, I would rather see Iron Man go back to a guy in a suit who builds bigger suits when he needs to beat somebody.

Mighty Avengers #13

I wish *I* had 18 different series to spread my story through.

Considering Secret Invasion has clocked in at approximately seven minutes in two issues, it's probably a good thing New and Mighty Avengers are around to pick up the light work laying all the rest of the pieces on the board.

This issue did have one of two Layla Miller appearances and that's always a good thing.


“Have fun storming the castle. If Fury asks, you haven't seen me.”

Which unfortunately indicates this is another crossover which won't touch on mutants. This faux segregation has to stop in my opinion.

My girlfriend Illyana Rasputin had a breakdown and it was absolutely Daredevil's problem. The Marauders slaughtered the Morlocks and Thor came across Angel's body in the sewer. Magneto turned a new leaf and the Avengers had to track him down for war crimes. Good stories, all.

Instead of drawing a line down the center of the Marvel Universe Greg and Marsha Brady-like, let's get back to a place where they can contribute.

I could appreciate it if Marvel were taking precious time to fix their franchise, but they're not, they just keep stirring the water wondering where the number one selling comic of all time went.

It’s time for mutants to remind the Marvel U they’re people too, and a Skrull Invasion affects them as much as anybody.

Secret Invasion #2

Good follow up, but this is taking too long. I mean it, seven minutes have passed since the first panel of last issue. I understand this is Bendis but it’s a little egregious even for him.

Still, I won’t argue that this story continues its inevitable march to slickness.

Maybe this will put Tony back into a suit that doesn't control satellites. I would like that.


“Did you know this suit is really heavy.”

The punking of Sentry is always amusingly easy. Seriously, as DC's Superman, Bob continues to fail. However, Spider-man versus Spider-man is must read comics right there.


“Are you my Skrull, or the Skrull of one of my clones?”

Does Clint not know how nunchukas work, or Leinel?


“You know you’re supposed to hold one end, right Clint?”

I mean, it’s comedy gold each time, but that’s seriously not how those are used.

X-Factor One Shot #1: The Quick and The Dead

I have to pay closer attention. This is another GDing One-Shot.

Granted, this one is actually written by Peter David and it's a nice little issue that hopefully puts Pietro back where he should be.

But you could’ve not bought this issue and your life (and run of X-Factor) would be just as complete.

But it did have the other Layla appearance this week.


“All I want for Christmas is you choking on your gum.”

Buffy the Vampire Slayer #14

I gotta tell you, this storyline is doing less and less for me. But I'm reading several worse comics a month still, so it's a long way from the drop list.

Location: Comic Book Writing Class

Marty: Alright class, today we’re going to be looking at taking over a series as a new writer. Now, as our first example I want you all to pull out Tomasi’s run on Nightwing and turn to page--
Student #1: Rad!!
Marty: W-what? What’s rad?
Student #1: He’s skydiving! Skydiving is rad.
Marty: No. No, that’s not rad. Being an acrobat/vigilante, that’s what’s rad. This is just some illogical rich-boy hobby.
Student #2: Yeah, that’s what Batman is saying, but Nightwing is all, “shut up, you” and Robin is all “Yeah, shut up”
Marty: Batman is his dad and he has a point, and we’re not here to discuss what a moon-eyed girl Tomasi made Tim--
Student #3: Handgliders! Awesome!
Student #2: Where?!
Marty: … handgliders aren’t that awesome.
Student #2: Says you, man.
Student #3: Yeah dude, what’s wrong with you?
Marty: Alright class, settle down, we’re already off track. This lesson is how not to take over a book, not to--
Student #1: I didn’t know Nightwing was in the JSA?
Marty: He’s not!!!
Student #1: …
Student #2: …
Student #3: … dude.
Marty: I’m sorry class, if we can just--
Student #1: I am soooo telling my mom you yelled at us.
Marty: Okay, there’s no reason to get mothers involved, but we are getting ahead of ourselves and Nightwing is absolutely not in the JSA.
Student #2: Right here next to the black Green Lantern: JSA.
Marty: (sigh) Honestly, I don’t think Nightwing knows John Stewart or the JSA well enough to have them over socially, letalone--
Student #3: Who’s the girl?
STudent #2: She seems nice.
Marty: She’s nobody!!
Student #3: …
Student #1: … dude you are so fired.
Marty: I’m a volunteer. Now sit down and shut up, and if anyone mentions the librarian again, no one will find you. You hear me. No one.
Student #2: Wow. Relax.
Student #3: The JSA would find us.
Marty: ….
Student #3: With Nightwing’s help.
Marty: … Shut up. You all think this Nightwing is cool huh?
Student #1: … I mean, yeah.
Student #2: So far.
Student #3: If I say I hate it do I get extra credit?
Marty: No. … maybe.
Student #2: Give me one reason this isn’t awesome?
Marty: He frickin' steals the Batplane.
Student #1: He doesn’t steal it. He borrows it. He left a note.
Marty: Oh yeah, a note makes it alright. I sure hope Batman doesn’t have any important JLA business saving the moon or whatever he uses the damn plane for just b/c Dick couldn’t dig into his own pocket and charter his own goddamn plane.
Student #2: I don’t think you should be cursing.
Student #1: Batman tells him he can have it.
Marty: Where does he tell him that?
Student #1: Right here while Nightwing is handgliding alongside his limo and thanking him for buying all those buildings for him. Batman says he'll help anytime.
Marty: That doesn't mean he can just-- wait, he’s having a conversation from a handglider... to a moving car?
Student #2: Awesome.
Marty: No, not awesome. It’s retardiculous! There is no part of that which remotely makes--
Student #2: You shouldn’t call things retarded, dude. That’s not cool.
Student #3: Boss! He’s got webshooters!
Student #1 and #2: Where?!
Marty: He does not have web shooters!
Student #3: I’m looking right at ‘em dude.
Marty: Do you want that extra credit or not?
Student #3: Oh right, I mean, I hate—awesome!
Marty: (sigh)
Student #1: Nightwing is really funny. I didn’t know he was this funny.
Marty: That’s because Tomasi is writing Spider-man.
Student #2: This guy writes Spider-man too? Cool, I hear Spider-man is finally good again.
Marty: You’re not allowed to talk for the rest of the class.
Student #2: Aw man.
Marty: No, Tomasi isn’t writing the title Spider-man, he’s writing Nightwing as Spider-man.
Student #3: Wait, Spider-man is dressed up as Nightwing?
Marty: Yes—no, Tomasi is dressing Nightwing up as if he was Spider-man.
Student #1: You’re not making any sense dude.
Student #3: Who would win in a fight between Nightwing and Spider-man?
Marty: We’re getting off track—How much time does Nightwing have?
Student #3: What?
Marty: Does Nightwing see it coming? What are your fight parameters?
Student #3: Parawhats? I don’t know. They fight?
Marty: Hrm… that’s a pretty good fight…(whispers unknowable geek-math) Probably Spider-man, straight up.
Student #2: No way, man, Nightwing would just handglide away.
Marty: You’re talking again. We talked about that. Nightwing couldn’t just handglide away. Handgliders are bulky, clumsy contraptions.
Student #1: Nuh-uh, right here he summons it from his secret base and it flies right to him.
Marty: Oh fuck you, give me that. (flips through comic)
Student #1: …
Student #2: …
Student #3: …
Marty: You have got to be fucking kidding me.
Student #1: … dude.
Marty: What?!
Student #1: You’re dropping eff bombs, man.
Marty: Oh yeah? I stand by it, do you see this?
Student #3: Dude, I’m 12.
Marty: He summons a handglider? That is the height of retarded.
Student #2: I still don’t think you should--
Marty: It’s okay to call retarded things retarded.
Student #2: I don’t think that’s true--
Marty: He flies a handglider into a fucking subway?! What the fuck even is this? Is this some sort of a fucking joke? It’s not bad enough there’s fucking girlfriends out of nowhere, shit dialogue, retarded through-lines and all these anti-acrobatic stupid fucking hobbies, he’s flying a handglider through a fucking tunnel!! Fucking really?! And you like this do you?!
Student #1: …
Student #2: …
Student #3: …I’m scared.
Marty: Do you?!
Student #1: …kind of.
Marty: There’s no updraft in a fucking subway tunnel.
Student #1: I don’t care. It’s boss.
Student #2: … There’re no people from Krypton either.
Marty: There is still an expected baseline of realism in the medium you’re expected to maintain, goddamnit! And this breaks every single fucking one. Oh, but everybody thinks this hackneyed piece of shit is the best Nightwing they’re ever going to get just b/c this dude wrote some go-nowhere piece of crap about Black Adam. I mean, fuck!
Student #3: I read Black Adam, it was--
Marty: FUCK!!!
Student #1: I think I hear my mom… outside… away from you… calling the cops.
Student #2: You think too much about comics, man.
Marty: It’s my job to think about comics too much.
Student #3: I thought you worked for some geotechnical company or something.
Student #2: Yeah dude, this is just what you do when you’re not working.
Marty: Class dismissed.
Student #3: Can I still get that extra credit?
Marty: Are you going to say you hate Tomasi’s Nightwing?
Student #3: No way dude, this Nightwing is awesome.
Marty: Get. Out.

Quick thoughts this week as I’m sandwiched with unrelenting word count

*X person is a Skrull has replaced—Skrull-like—“Superboy Prime did it”