|
|
Terrible Minds |
The hza |
Synapse, Crackle, Pop Culture |
Living Between Wednesdays |
The Absorbascon |
Second Printings |
Chris's Invincible Super Blog |
Jon Hex Lives |
Dolla Dolla Bin, Y'All |
Always Bet on Bahlactus |
Big Monkey Podcast |
Big Monkey Comics |
Brave New Worlds |
Avatar Spirit |
Malfeas
| Jul. 11th, 2008 06:11 pm Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 12 Yeah, I know, internets, I’ve been away for awhile. I’ve been really busy with work, camping, more freelance work and other real life pursuits.
Plus, I’m kind of shell-shocked from the industry at the moment. Hell, I’m still mourning DC's loss of Mr. Chuck Dixon who was single-handedly making a lot of lackluster ideas readable.
Not to mention a number of other ham-handed moves by my favorite comic company.
Which has had an unforeseen side effect: my buying—and looking forward to—more Marvel comics than I have since I was 11.
That’s weird. And man, it burns my nut-hairs so bad.
Get this: I might even go back home to the X-Men after a nearly 20 year ban on the title. It’s a strange, strange world we live in. If you need to know why I'd do such a thing, set aside an hour and get some of this in your eardrum. That Mark Function is a charming SOB.
Anyways, most of you didn’t come here to listen to me whine; so let’s fight about it...
Tonight’s Card:
DC
versus
Marvel
In this corner we have a pair of titanic teens to the tune of Roy “Speedy” Harper and Richard Jonathan “Robin” Grayson scratching it out over who gets to KO the badguy du jour in a classic issue of the Teen Titans.
Moral: Never Roshambo with the Boy Wonder.
In this corner, we have young Jack Power getting acclimated to his brand new gravity powers. Let no mutant massacres or overbearing older brothers put this angry young man down.
A lesson Arclight finds out the hard way.
Take that Alex!
Winner: You, the reader!
I couldn’t stay away from the ring for long, especially not for the last of the Classic bouts. Bahlactus demanded it!
I’ll be back internets. I’m just reassessing some aspects of my fandom and how best to present it in blog form. No worries.
I’m starting to forgive the industry. Hell, some parts have never been better; others haven’t been worse since the mid-1990’s. I’m disappointed in both sides for several things and proud of each for others.
All-told I’d still rather give my money to DiDio than Joe Q. If you’re wondering why, check out a great panel with DD and a few other top names (note a stark lack of Marvel) speaking frankly about the state of comics, here.
By frankly, I mean, fanboys need not apply. It’s about the nuts and bolts reality of running a damn comics company. Not for nothing, but that’s where Dan shows that he’s good at his job, even if he’s out of his fucking mind.
Cheers internet, enjoy the break between fights and my minor sabbatical. See you in the funny papers.
2 Opinions - Opine | |
| Jun. 6th, 2008 06:46 pm Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 8 According to my lovely wife: it was irresponsible of me not to even mention the death of her favorite character in my reviews.
“But you don’t even believe he’s dead.” I said. “Nor do I” I said some more.
“Don’t you sass me or you’ll get the hose again.” She said, meaningfully brandishing the hose in question.
“How can I make this right?” I conceded.
She folded the hose and snapped it like a belt. “Friday *snap*. Night *snap*. Fights *snap*.”
A single, fat tear carved a path across my cheek. “Fuck yeah.” I whispered.
Tonights Card:
J’onn “Martian Manhunter” J’onnz
versus
An Early Career Retrospective
(I apologize in advance for the poor quality. These Showcases are a bitch to scan… I mean, this old footage doesn’t hold up well).
In his earliest years, J’onn was a lover, not a fighter. Far more often he would rely on a weird array of powers to solve problems. All of which were precluded with the nebulous “Martian” descriptor. Martian breath, Martian vision, Martian sense of rhythym and, of course, Martian fists. Y’know, in case you forgot where he was from*.
However, as J’onn became more acclimated to Doctor Erdel’s strange new world it became clear that to survive in a world where fire and violence flowed like fiery, violent wine, he would occasionally need to dole out some knuckle-flavored justice.
He quickly made a name for himself among small time crooks and gangsters. Foiling robberies with his Martian cleverness and the occasional round of Martian pugilism. So good, many crooks gave up after a mere panel of J’onn’s lessons from the Martian book of hard knocks delivered.
Concerned for his loss of private life and interference with his day job, J’onn took to becoming invisible in order to beat up crooks. His Martian martial arts were so unlike anything Earth crooks had ever experienced they were known to jump to wild conclusions regarding the unseen force interrupting their plans.
This group of anti-Quixote’s fight windmills they can’t see.
Such as windmills and other unlikely comparisons which drove home how alien our verdant fighting chum truly was. Nobody ever confused either of the Invisible Kid’s for cephalopods.
“Or a whole gaggle of octopussesesiis, boss!”
Must be, champ. Must be.
J’onn made such a name for himself beating up logic-leaping mooks that the Bahlactus Boxing Federation thought to cash in with a number of gimmick fights.
For instance when J’onn fought the MGM lion.
"Eat it, Leo!"
This fight proved a mild success, but the BBF pressed its luck too far when J’onn was billed to fight two lions.
J'onn knocked the fungi-puff stuffing out of them.
It was a laughable bout at best. The fight was less than profitable and J’onn protested the ill treatment of the animals.
A little known postscript involved J’onn paying to send one of these lions to University where it pursued its Bachelor in the soft sciences.
Seeking a quick recovery, the Federation got J’onn back to his roots. Fighting sharp-dressed gunsels. Not wanting to take a step backward, the Federation still had a few tricks up their sleeves to unveil.
For instance when J’onn fought a collection of supermooks.
The thing they forgot: He's J'onn J'onnz, bitch.
J’onn was on his way to the big “leagues.” He began cultivating a rich, storied rogues gallery such as the Human Flame, the Human Squirrel, and other Human-themed villains.
That list wouldn't be complete without mentioning the immortal, Mr. Moth.
Just when you thought it was safe to make fun of Killer Moth.
Let’s all be clear, J’onn dizzied the badguy with his own Moth-themed lightbulbs using some made-up Martian whammy and socked him in the jaw.
Mmmm, that’s good Silver Age right there.
Soon after, J’onn would gave up solo fighting and became much more of a team player as a founding member of the esteemed Justice League of America. As a member he mostly blew.
It would be many years before he dusted his knuckles off and returned to the ring.
And finally tonight on BSPN Classic something a little more recent:
The Manhunter From Mars:
J’onnathan J’onnz
versus
SHAZAM’s Champ:
Captain Marvel
Appropriate for FnF Classic, young William has been subverted by the Grey Man. Who you gonna call when the Fawcett City Thunder rains down?
The choice is a no brainer.
Trading blows with the Mighty head of the Marvel Family wears on a body, but not on a mind as sharp as J’onn’s.
He may look down, but he’s never out.
Say goodnight, Billy.
Not even Earth’s Mightiest Mortal can stand up to the raw power of our Red Neighbor’s Sole Survivor.
It takes more than that to end the reign of Bahlactus, the smoovest alien overlord we’re e’er gonna get.
Credits remarkably uncredited for most of the above. The last bits are, of course, the dream team at the law offices of Giffen, DeMatties & Maguire.
Sarah’s rendering of Sarah’s favorite character:
J’onn loves Oreos and America apparently.
*True story: I’m hacking away at the keys and my wife is waxing thoughtful from the couch. She interrupts as politely as she knows how and asks—straight-faced "What planet is the Martian Manhunter from?"
Not J’onn J’onnz. Not the green guy from the Justice League cartoon. What planet is the Martian Manhunter from.
Was it possible she thought he only hunted men from Mars. But came from some hitherto unmentioned orb? Maybe she thought he just called himself that as a red herring. Or b/c his actual home was way lame, and Mars was a leg-up.
Regardless it only took her a moment of the stupidest silence she’s likely to experience in this lifetime, before she said—without missing a beat—“shut up.” Unfortunately, I refuse to let her live this down, despite J’onn going on to be her favoritest character ever.1 Opinion - Opine | |
| May. 30th, 2008 06:51 pm Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 7 There were more posts planned for this week, but things exploded at work, my lingering Young Justice anger died down, and I’m not quite sure how to address the internets' irrational hatred of the otherwise fun and fabulous Indiana Jones.
So let’s just get to the fighting and call it a week.
With my newly discovered love of an indy comic, let’s shout out to the indies this week with comic book: “singer/songwriter”: Terry Moore of Strangers in Paradise.
Tonight’s Card
Katina “Katchoo” Choovanski
versus
David Qin
When we join our contenders David has just evidenced the worst timing ever by interrupting Katchoo’s much-coveted make-out with best friend and otherwise straight roommate Francine Peters.
Also he turned out to be the brother of Katchoo’s psychotic ex crime-boss/girlfriend. So, there are trust issues.
Trust issues which can only be hashed out in the rain.
David, David, David. With a sister as evil as yours you should know better than to set a girl up with a line like that.
Yup… should’a seen that coming.
This one looks over before it started kids. Any last words, Ms. Choovanski?
Now, now dear. No regrets.
Who loves’em, leaves’em, and never regrets punching them out on the front lawn? Hells yeah, Bahlactus!
Words and Pictures: Terry Moore
1 Opinion - Opine | |
| May. 23rd, 2008 05:08 pm Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 6 In celebration of Captain Britain getting a new series and/or dying and/or getting thrown bodily through the Siege Perilous to come back as a ninja supermodel, I figured I’d reach back for a different kind of classic.
Marvel UK represent, bitches.
Tonight’s Card:
Brian “Captain Britain” Braddock
versus
Byron “Kaptain Briton” Brad-Dhok
Mix a drunk Steve Rogers with the Tick and you’ve got Captain Britain.
Now do the fistful of requisite drugs it takes to understand what’s going on in any given issue of this landmark series. With or without the Technet.
We catch up with our hero as he returns home to find himself… literally.
“Not on the wine!”
Ahh, the Marvel Universe, is there nothing that can’t be solved with fisticuffs?
You've gotta’ admit that’s awkward: coming home only to find you’re already there... and better dressed.
“Why you hitting yourself? Why you hitting yourself?*”
Winner… um, Captain Britain of Earth-616?
Wrong, fanboy!
Kaptain Briton of Earth-794! Read it and weep:
“Dude, I have got to quit drinking, this isn’t even my dimension.
White Queen Opul Lun Sat-Yr-9’s poppet takes home tonight’s prize.
If you think it’s creepy being replaced by your Omniversal counterpart. Imagine one that keeps trying to make time with your sister. Ewww.
Don’t worry about Betsy though. She might not be a ninja supermodel yet, but she gets hers…
Fatality!
That’s how they do things at the Braddock Estate.
What’s the matter Yank? Didn’t think they thugged-out like that across the pond? You’ve never been to a football match then, have you?
Every Earth, every time, it’s Captain Bahlactus to you, punk.
Written by Jamie Delano, drawn by the always awesome Alan Davis.
*Heh, that joke’s good two weeks in a row.
Opine | |
Back a Page
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
grebok_sod's journal
