Malfeas

Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 12

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 22:25:14 GMT

Yeah, I know, internets, I’ve been away for awhile. I’ve been really busy with work, camping, more freelance work and other real life pursuits.

Plus, I’m kind of shell-shocked from the industry at the moment. Hell, I’m still mourning DC's loss of Mr. Chuck Dixon who was single-handedly making a lot of lackluster ideas readable.

Not to mention a number of other ham-handed moves by my favorite comic company.

Which has had an unforeseen side effect: my buying—and looking forward to—more Marvel comics than I have since I was 11.

That’s weird. And man, it burns my nut-hairs so bad.

Get this: I might even go back home to the X-Men after a nearly 20 year ban on the title. It’s a strange, strange world we live in. If you need to know why I'd do such a thing, set aside an hour and get some of this in your eardrum. That Mark Function is a charming SOB.

Anyways, most of you didn’t come here to listen to me whine; so let’s fight about it...

Tonight’s Card:

DC

versus

Marvel

In this corner we have a pair of titanic teens to the tune of Roy “Speedy” Harper and Richard Jonathan “Robin” Grayson scratching it out over who gets to KO the badguy du jour in a classic issue of the Teen Titans.

Moral: Never Roshambo with the Boy Wonder.

In this corner, we have young Jack Power getting acclimated to his brand new gravity powers. Let no mutant massacres or overbearing older brothers put this angry young man down.

A lesson Arclight finds out the hard way.

Take that Alex!

Winner: You, the reader!

I couldn’t stay away from the ring for long, especially not for the last of the Classic bouts. Bahlactus demanded it!

I’ll be back internets. I’m just reassessing some aspects of my fandom and how best to present it in blog form. No worries.

I’m starting to forgive the industry. Hell, some parts have never been better; others haven’t been worse since the mid-1990’s. I’m disappointed in both sides for several things and proud of each for others.

All-told I’d still rather give my money to DiDio than Joe Q. If you’re wondering why, check out a great panel with DD and a few other top names (note a stark lack of Marvel) speaking frankly about the state of comics, here.

By frankly, I mean, fanboys need not apply. It’s about the nuts and bolts reality of running a damn comics company. Not for nothing, but that’s where Dan shows that he’s good at his job, even if he’s out of his fucking mind.

Cheers internet, enjoy the break between fights and my minor sabbatical. See you in the funny papers.

Seven Dirty Words

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:18:40 GMT

Thanks for all the memories, George Carlin.

We’ve lost one of the true Philosopher Kings of comedy today.

Of all the entertainers we’ve lost this past year, George is the first to make me want to shed tears for my loss. My heart goes out as genuinely as it can to his hard won family.

George Carlin has had a very strong hand in the man I am today. For instance: he was one of the few things my father and I had in common from Grade 6 through to my 21st birthday. Despite never meeting the man he was a friend, counselor and solace to me.

He was one of the good ones and took up the battle Lenny started. While there are a lot of funny people out there on the circuits these days of the stand-up renaissance, I fear the days of the warrior-poets such as Master Carlin are gone.

Al Sleet, linoleum quality control manager; the female population of Guadalajara; Mister Conductor, the world’s largest nun (don’t stand up sister); myself and just about everyone I know who’s worth talking too or about will miss you.

Thanks for the everything, sir.

Tonight’s forecast: Dark.

With widely scattered light by morning.

Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 9

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 23:15:31 GMT

In light of my growing appreciation for the first hero of the Silver Age, Captain Comet (also my derision toward Geoff Johns and his love of superheroic dog-piles) in my recent reviews; I thought I’d take this opportunity to highlight a truly inspired brawl of modern classic comics’ history.

Tonight’s Card

The Golden Age

versus

Dan “Dynaman” Dunbar

We join the fight already in progress...

Most of the major hitters have taken a swing at Thomas N. Thomas’s former sidekick and been put out to pasture.

Green Lantern, Starman, Hawkman and even Johnny Quick have already had their clocks cleaned and pockets turned out by the erstwhile Dyna-Mite.

“And I’m pitty! I’m tho pitty!”

It looks like the former All-Star has this all buttoned up and dressed for church.

The Golden Age wasn’t filled with over the top superpowers the way the science fiction inspired Silver Age will be. Is there no one left to stand up to the new breed of atomic Übermensch?

What's this?! An 11th hour dark horse jumps into the ring.

If it bleeds it leads.

Who is this mysterious gentleman stepping into Daniel’s overpowering grist mill?

What brave unknown?

What powerful pugilist?

Whoever he is, we can see he's still not enough to take down the personification of this bold new age.

But wait! While Dunbar's attention is focused on the daring derring-doer another occulted contender takes advantage!

“You’re terminated, fucker.”

I don't believe it! I just don't believe it! The champ is down!

Winner! In the voluminous khaki trunks: Elizabeth “Liberty Bell” Lawrence!

…also the future Captain Comet there for not eating that schoolbus.

Gott en Himmel it’s Bahlactus!

Seriously, if you’ve never read James Robinson and Paul Smith’s Golden Age, you’re doing it wrong. I could scan a hundred panels and still not capture the face-melting rawesome therein.

Last Week in Comics

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 22:19:15 GMT

Ah yes, running behind again. All the sudden I went from scrounging for work to working overtime. Sorry I haven’t been as prolific, Internets.

But alas, what you’ve all (two of you) been waiting for…

Detective Comics #845

This issue was totally awesome, continuing Dini’s trend of being... totally awesome. (Except for Countdown, which we’re just going to assume wasn’t written by anyone at all, and, in fact, was forged in Hell by Logostopholes [He Who Hates the Words]).

Just when you thought Bruce’s dating situation had reached critical mass; Enter the Catwoman.

“Raowr, kitty’s got claws”

Catty Catwoman! Awesome.

Selina totally has a case too. Batman’s always all “No time for love, Dr. Jones, only the mission matters” and Selina’s gotten pretty good at taking that in stride.

She leaves the planet for ten minutes and all the sudden Bats is making time with every Jezebel, Zatanna and Talia that walks through the door.

Bonus points to Dini for being the one who brought the Batanna relationship up, only to dis it an issue later. That’s good writing.

Plus, Batman in a chatroom!

lvl 6 healer looking 4 mish

Is the redheaded chatterer supposed to be Oracle? I wasn’t feeling the artist on that. Everyone else was clearly set up. I don’t know who the Gotham PD guy was, but I knew he was Gotham PD for instance. Due to her lack of establishing shot, my guess is we’re supposed to recognize her.

Anyway, long story short, if you’re not reading Dini’s Detective, you’re doing it wrong. Comprende?

JLU #46

Last issue?

That blows. Especially since this story is all about the Green Lantern Corps and not at all about the Justice League.

I mean, I like G’nort and all, but this is no last issue.

We couldn’t have ground it out to Issue #50 and given the franchise a good old fashioned send off?

All told though, I agree with Rachelle, an all-ages cartoon/comic starring the GLC would be pretty nifty.

JSA #16

Man, I never know with Johns.

I think I really liked this issue but at the same time I’m tired of his shenanigans therein.

Like, why does he get to play with Kingdom Come, Earth 2 and the Third World—that’s right, the Third World*—while nobody else does?

Is it b/c no one else wants to? That no one else is wired that way (“that way” being to naturally extrapolate other people’s great ideas, if we’re all being honest)? Or b/c he’s the one holding all the cards and thus the only one who knows enough about the DCU he’s created to get away with this shit?

Regardless, you gotta dig Happy Gog, here.

“Little men!? Ahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha! You’re adorable.”

If you know me at all, you know I loved the ending.

Of course, Johns telegraphs like a bitch, so this all precludes disaster. Whatever. So long as Grant gets his face back, and stops being a jagoff.

Hey, if this continues to be readable, I’ll continue to read it. If it’s only going to be readable every third issue it’s going to be a hard fence to get off of.

*for the uninitiated, I don’t mean “Third World” as in poverty conditions, I mean the precursor to Kirby’s Fourth World. If you still don’t know what I mean… boy, you really are uninitiated. Why are you reading my blog?

Manhunter #31

Here, let me do you a favor….

Bling.

Blaow.

There, you’re all caught up. Now go read Manhunter. It’s fucking awesome and totally worth your money.

Drop that book you’ve been bitching about for the past four months and use that money to buy Manhunter instead. Everybody’s happy.

Also, I love Michael Gaydos. He needs the right comic to shine but this is a good example of the right comic.

Rann-Thanagar Holy War #2

According to DiDio this is just the latest installment in keeping DC space present and accounted for. So, it’s not so much that it’s going somewhere specific or altogether necessary; it’s just a story set in DC’s space.

Which is ostensibly fine, but it does change my expectations by a lot and makes me wonder if I really need to be reading it. Similarly Reign in Hell is just this year’s magic-themed book.

Should I just avoid it? Color me undecided.

I’m enjoying R/T Holy War enough to probably ride it out. Mostly for the Captain Comet.

I might not be so quick to jump on next time.

Then again, I am a whore.

Robin/Spoiler #1

And with this issue it really sinks in. She’s back. Back-back. No shittin’, back.

Thank the stars and the powers that be.

This was a cool book that was really just a couple quick Spoiler stories. Both by Dixon, so it should be no surprise that it was filled with rad.

The first one has a nice vibe to it, and makes Stephanie out to be altogether cooler than Tim Drake-Wayne. Although I love that this “Creep” they’re on, is just an excuse to hang out in a warehouse being dorks with water pistols.

Is that the limit of the trouble they can get into? Man, teenagers these days are way tamer than I remember being. Though I do appreciate them not doing hard drugs and fucking per se. Sometimes kids just break laws to say they broke some laws.

Inevitably, things go badly and Tim and Steph have to dress up in funny costumes and punch badguys. Which is what I paid for.

I like that Dixon doesn’t just ditch Zoe, and puts Stephanie and Robin just enough at odds to make things complicated, but just enough on each others side to warm the heart.

“Dear Diary, Robin is still totally my bitch.”

The second story is supposed to explain where Steph has been and why she came back, I guess. Both of which were arguably explained better in Robin last month sight unseen. Regardless, the story was fine even if it was a missed opportunity to team up with Bwana--er--Freedom Beast.

I’m digging the new costume.

Translation: “Does this Antelope head make me look fat?”

Some bold choices. Shame she didn’t keep that when she came back.

Invincible Iron Man #2

This book is pretty okay. Although my daughter already trashed my issue, which goes to show she probably has better taste than I do.

The problem is, this book isn’t what I really want. What I really want is 22 pages of Tony slipping on lemon juice slick razor blades, falling face first on a wall of dicks, choking and dying a humbling death.

Until that happens, or Tony learns some distilled form of that lesson (which may or may not be coming in Secret Invasion, read on) I just can’t read about him or support a book with him in it in good conscience.

That’s no slight to Matt Fraction, mind, who seems to be a real work horse churning out some imminently readable comics. It has everything to do with the character and where that character is at right now.

For instance, Thor shows up to a funeral for a foreign superhero which Tony is also attending. Mind you, Tony has already made the point that he’s there more or less for appearances and the free food. He puts it better than that, but let’s all be honest, he’s not wasting any tears over it.

The whole time he’s obsessing over Thor being there. Tony keeps wanting him to look over; wave; wink; show him some leg, anything. And he keeps making Thor out as the douche for “making this about us”. Meanwhile it’s Tony whose mind is on Thor’s ass more than, y’know, actually paying respects to the honored dead here.

This is exactly the kind of asshat Tony has been lately. I mean, kudos to Fraction for capturing it so well, but why do I want to read about this guy?

Also, when did Pepper become Oracle?

Secret Invasion #3

Am I the only one who felt this should have been Issue #2? It directly picks up, like, every plot from #1 that was totally skipped over in #2 where, like, three minutes passed in which we discover that Bobbi might be alive.

Here we get all the whacky stuff like what the hell is going on with Captain Marvel at Thunderbolts Mountain, or what’s going on with the Young Avengers outside the Baxter Building, or, y’know, hey, didn’t the Helicarrier fall out of the sky… again.

"First Lieutenant Yesmaam's got your back, Ma'am!"

I’m really starting to like Assistant Director Hill. Now, if only someone would remember SWORD are all sucking goo and waiting for death it would almost read like a straight-forward story.

In other news, the Skrull Empress totally fucks with Tony’s head. Now this is the series that keeps on giving… Tony kicks to the balls. Bendis more or less said as much, but I need to see it to believe it. So far, so good.

Also in this issue: Nick Fury and the Who-Cares Commandos!

“If Cable calls looking for his gun, you haven’t seen me.”

Marty’s Pick of the Week
Buffy The Vampire Slayer #15

Last month I was growing tired of this arc. Now that it’s all wrapped up, it all paid off in a big way. Especially racist Dracula. Man, racist Dracula is the tits.

“It means chop-chop, ginger-bush”

It’s just the right mixture of everything Whedon and Co. do so well. A little bit heartbreaking, a little bit sincere, a little bit funny, and 100% rawesome kick to the junk.

If all-out high stakes war wasn’t enough, how about Giant Mecha-Dawn: Action Teenage Robot!

The Amazing Jonathan: Gal Friday

Pretty good stuff.

Although, I have to say I was a little put off by the tragedy that ended last issue and started this one. I know that Whedon and Co. like to prove death is sharp, fast and often pointless. As a rule, I’m all for that. At the same time this death served no purpose other than to be profoundly sad out of nowhere.

It could’ve been any number of people--including Satsu--and fallen more in line with the heart of this arc. This smacked of Goddard sitting around asking the age-old Mark Waid faux pas: “who’s death will be the saddest without actually affecting the story?”

Bah, maybe I’m just getting cynical in my old age.

Despite all the tragedy and lesbianism, Dracula takes home this week’s prize for Excellence in the Field of Bad-Assery.

“Why don’t you look up Dracula in your Japanese to Romanian dictionary.... Oh, you can’t, you don’t have any hands. Zing!”

Kickass.

That’s my comics story and I’m sticking to it.

It's a Grrrrrl

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 03:17:58 GMT

Illyana
Catherine
Karabin

came into the world on this 6th day of Juno, MMVIII.

Weighing approximately one ha’stone with raven hair and deep cerulean pools for eyes.

Welcome to the world sweetie, see you tomorrow.

Good luck with the being kidnapped to a demonic in-between when you’re eight years old.

That should suck.

Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 8

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 23:37:18 GMT

According to my lovely wife: it was irresponsible of me not to even mention the death of her favorite character in my reviews.

“But you don’t even believe he’s dead.” I said. “Nor do I” I said some more.

“Don’t you sass me or you’ll get the hose again.” She said, meaningfully brandishing the hose in question.

“How can I make this right?” I conceded.

She folded the hose and snapped it like a belt. “Friday *snap*. Night *snap*. Fights *snap*.”

A single, fat tear carved a path across my cheek. “Fuck yeah.” I whispered.

Tonights Card:

J’onn “Martian Manhunter” J’onnz

versus

An Early Career Retrospective

(I apologize in advance for the poor quality. These Showcases are a bitch to scan… I mean, this old footage doesn’t hold up well).

In his earliest years, J’onn was a lover, not a fighter. Far more often he would rely on a weird array of powers to solve problems. All of which were precluded with the nebulous “Martian” descriptor. Martian breath, Martian vision, Martian sense of rhythym and, of course, Martian fists. Y’know, in case you forgot where he was from*.

However, as J’onn became more acclimated to Doctor Erdel’s strange new world it became clear that to survive in a world where fire and violence flowed like fiery, violent wine, he would occasionally need to dole out some knuckle-flavored justice.

He quickly made a name for himself among small time crooks and gangsters. Foiling robberies with his Martian cleverness and the occasional round of Martian pugilism. So good, many crooks gave up after a mere panel of J’onn’s lessons from the Martian book of hard knocks delivered.

Concerned for his loss of private life and interference with his day job, J’onn took to becoming invisible in order to beat up crooks. His Martian martial arts were so unlike anything Earth crooks had ever experienced they were known to jump to wild conclusions regarding the unseen force interrupting their plans.

This group of anti-Quixote’s fight windmills they can’t see.

Such as windmills and other unlikely comparisons which drove home how alien our verdant fighting chum truly was. Nobody ever confused either of the Invisible Kid’s for cephalopods.

“Or a whole gaggle of octopussesesiis, boss!”

Must be, champ. Must be.

J’onn made such a name for himself beating up logic-leaping mooks that the Bahlactus Boxing Federation thought to cash in with a number of gimmick fights.

For instance when J’onn fought the MGM lion.

"Eat it, Leo!"

This fight proved a mild success, but the BBF pressed its luck too far when J’onn was billed to fight two lions.

J'onn knocked the fungi-puff stuffing out of them.

It was a laughable bout at best. The fight was less than profitable and J’onn protested the ill treatment of the animals.

A little known postscript involved J’onn paying to send one of these lions to University where it pursued its Bachelor in the soft sciences.

Seeking a quick recovery, the Federation got J’onn back to his roots. Fighting sharp-dressed gunsels. Not wanting to take a step backward, the Federation still had a few tricks up their sleeves to unveil.

For instance when J’onn fought a collection of supermooks.

The thing they forgot: He's J'onn J'onnz, bitch.

J’onn was on his way to the big “leagues.” He began cultivating a rich, storied rogues gallery such as the Human Flame, the Human Squirrel, and other Human-themed villains.

That list wouldn't be complete without mentioning the immortal, Mr. Moth.

Just when you thought it was safe to make fun of Killer Moth.

Let’s all be clear, J’onn dizzied the badguy with his own Moth-themed lightbulbs using some made-up Martian whammy and socked him in the jaw.

Mmmm, that’s good Silver Age right there.

Soon after, J’onn would gave up solo fighting and became much more of a team player as a founding member of the esteemed Justice League of America. As a member he mostly blew.

It would be many years before he dusted his knuckles off and returned to the ring.

And finally tonight on BSPN Classic something a little more recent:

The Manhunter From Mars:
J’onnathan J’onnz

versus

SHAZAM’s Champ:
Captain Marvel

Appropriate for FnF Classic, young William has been subverted by the Grey Man. Who you gonna call when the Fawcett City Thunder rains down?

The choice is a no brainer.

Trading blows with the Mighty head of the Marvel Family wears on a body, but not on a mind as sharp as J’onn’s.

He may look down, but he’s never out.

Say goodnight, Billy.

Not even Earth’s Mightiest Mortal can stand up to the raw power of our Red Neighbor’s Sole Survivor.

It takes more than that to end the reign of Bahlactus, the smoovest alien overlord we’re e’er gonna get.

Credits remarkably uncredited for most of the above. The last bits are, of course, the dream team at the law offices of Giffen, DeMatties & Maguire.

Sarah’s rendering of Sarah’s favorite character:
J’onn loves Oreos and America apparently.

True story: I’m hacking away at the keys and my wife is waxing thoughtful from the couch. She interrupts as politely as she knows how and asks—straight-faced "What planet is the Martian Manhunter from?"
Not J’onn J’onnz. Not the green guy from the Justice League cartoon. What planet is the Martian* Manhunter from.
Was it possible she thought he only hunted men from Mars. But came from some hitherto unmentioned orb? Maybe she thought he just called himself that as a red herring. Or b/c his actual home was way lame, and Mars was a leg-up.
Regardless it only took her a moment of the stupidest silence she’s likely to experience in this lifetime, before she said—without missing a beat—“shut up.” Unfortunately, I refuse to let her live this down, despite J’onn going on to be her favoritest character ever.

Last Week in Comics

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 01:28:44 GMT

We've had no internet at my job for the past few days, which makes it hard to blog at reasonable hours.

Let's get right to the good stuff.

Blue Beetle #27

According to DiDio, Rogers has a “real job” so he’ll be unavailable for awhile, but he’d love to give him work again in the future. So that's good news.

Pfeifer is officially listed as “guest” writer; so I guess Sturges really is taking this over. Like so many others, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I expect that to be when Sturges gets involved. I’ll give him a shot, but he doesn’t inspire confidence.

Pfeifer on the other hand, has a real shot when/if Sturges falls down. The trick to writing this title isn’t writing Jaime. Jaime’s cool and all, but he’s not the hardest character to wrap your brain around.

What makes his book awesome and him even better, is his supporting cast.

Pfeifer showed he understands the supporting cast aspect all too well.

“What’s your gamer tag? j@ck@$$ n00b!1!1?”

If Sturges fails to write a good Brenda, Paco or Mama Reyes, he’s done before he started.

Green Lantern #31

I’m still a little confused why this isn’t Green Lantern: Year One. It’s pretty great and all, but this time could be better served doing something other than retelling Hal’s origin for the fiftieth time in four years.

Now with added Red Lanterns!

Legion of Superheroes #42

Jim Shooter is not off Legion. Repeat, Shooter is not off the Legion. That is direct from DiDio. Who contends Shooter was never not on the Legion.

Take it up with him, Rumor Mill, I’m just the messenger.

Teen Titans #59

It’s such a shame Legion comes out at the same time as Teen Titans every month. It really doesn’t pay to compare the two, but it’s almost impossible not to.

This month the Legion has more action and teenaged goodness on any page than the entire issue of Titans: new costumes all around; Jo Nah kisses Imra; Lyle mends fences with his dad; everyone uses their powers in cool new ways; and Jo Nah is arrested.

Awesome.

Titans? I don’t know. I mean, crap, the issue was okay.

I wonder if Clock King indicating he had a whole plan to take them down one by one, but had to fast forward was meta-commentary. B/c I gotta tell you: that would’ve been intolerable.

The heroic half of the team showed up, and that’s cool and all, but there’s still not a real element of team showing here. Not even between Tim and Cass, and that’s where you need it.

Getting back to my pitch: if that’s the whole point of this arc, okay. But McKeever needs to hurry up so we see some progress here.

Still, this issue did cooler stuff than we've seen in awhile, and I feel better about sticking out the story arc. Although I admit, I was kind of hoping this was the end.

1985

Wow, this is not what I thought it was. And I’m not sure I know what I thought it was.

It’s, um, yeah, it’s okay. It’s weird. But okay.

I don’t know that I’d recommend it…? I think I’d suggest waiting for it to come out in trade and let the reviews pour in. Then make your decision. I would have if I knew it was more of a real-worldy bio-pic than a story set in the Marvel U of 1985.

Especially considering I remember laughing at Secret Wars in 1985, not lauding it like Millar makes it sound.

Wolverine First Class #3

Wait, are we calling back that Wolverine started off as a mutated wolverine? Am I the only one getting that?

I hear this issue threw a bunch of people off and I don’t disagree. Even having it as a two-parter is a break in step. But it was still adorable and continues to star funny Wolverine:

“Seriously, I haven’t been a genetically advanced wolverine, since, I fought the Hulk. I’m more of a genetically backward person.”

Turning Kitty into a Furry wasn’t cool, though. I’d probably rather you just, I dunno, kill her with a giant space bullet or something….

Did it just get chilly in here?

Young Avengers: Stature #1

I’m just glad the Young Avengers continue to get play. Not all of these one-shots have been great, but they’re all fairly good. Plus, this mends the fence between the team and Ms. Lang.

There’s a feel good ending that’s slightly inappropriate.

“As strong as a bull with a punctured lung and spleen, maybe.”

Alright, Cass’s step-dad has been literally crushed. He’s in bad shape, might not live, if he does, might not walk.

A little later we’re told “He’s gonna make it.” Shortly thereafter we get this scene.

"My better family."

I’m pretty sure her step-father is still in pretty serious condition. “He’s gonna make it” doesn’t mean you’re all going fishing anytime soon.

While we’re on the subject; trying to act as a family doesn’t mean inviting your four illegal super friends along.

Marty's Pick of the Week Runner-Up
Giant Size Astonishing X-Men #1

This would probably be my Pick of the Week, if I hadn’t called this entire issue start to finish, like, four months ago.

But I’ve said it before: just b/c you know where it's going, doesn’t mean it can’t be awesome when it gets there. Never has that been truer than here.

First, I want to take a second to compliment Whedon on the creation of SWORD and Agent Brand. Both are just the right amount of ridiculous and awesome to work. And both have bought their inclusion in the Marvel U proper with Bendis’s Secret Invasion endorsement. I’m interested to see what kind of trouble they can get into later.

Until then, let’s hear it for Ms. Brand:

“My birth name was Burnflesh, but Brand looked less ethnic.”

It was nice of the Marvel U to drop in and throw around some guest-spot action. Whedon used Spider-man precisely how he is meant to be: The audience’s “in”.

You gotta love that Pete’s neuroses snap him out of the delusion each hero has that they've saved the day.

“That sound a little retarded to you now that you say it out loud?”

Piotr Rasputin gets to do more than be a largely ineffectual whiner, which is a rare treat. I love that his last, best plan was to revert to human. “Apparently only my crazy metal skin can touch the thing that blows up your planet, da? How you say? fuck you, tovarich.” Good one Pete.

If this issue makes you more sad than glad, than please allow me to give you the pep talk. Here’s the deal fellow fanboys: Whedon just did us a favor.

Kitty wasn’t being used before this. Certainly not well.

I read Mekanix, I read Kitty Pryde: Agent of SHIELD, I read about her dating someone criminally twice her age. It all hovered between varying levels of suck. She had a few good stories in X-Men Unlimited, but a little too little a little too late.

Kitty Pryde has been sitting around waiting to suck ever since all respectability left the X-Men (roughly 1991… or whenever Gambit showed up).

What’s more, she’s not dead.

That couldn’t have been any more plain. The difference is, if someone wants Kitty Pryde back, they have to put some effort into it. I see no reason why she can’t be riding hog with the Starjammers; hijacked by Skrulls, Kree or Rocket Racoon; or teleported back to earth by her time and space mastering best friend.

Meanwhile she still gets to be the hero of the whole story and look really awesome doing it.

“Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.”

My only disappointments were:

First, how Logan reacted. I know Joss has written Logan as a thug this whole time, but I think it was almost irresponsible not to give him a little more to say RE: the death of his first teenage sidekick.

Second, was the lack of Lockheed. These are very fanboy pet peeves, but considering Whedon himself is a fanboy, I didn’t consider them unreasonable expectations.

Otherwise spot on. It’s been a helluva run, Joss. What took you so long?

Marty's Pick of the Week
Final Crisis #1

According to Grant Morrison, we’ve only ever seen projections of the New Gods. He asserts-- moving forward--anytime you see Kirby Dot (see also: Crackle, Kirby) word balloons, it demarcates the actual God.

Internets meet Metron. Metron, Internets.

“Are you looking at my junk?”

Yeah, looks a lot like the same pipe-hittin’, space cripple we’ve always known.

If Morrison is telling us the New Gods are as they’ve always been and just pretending to be Black, that’s fine. I knew a couple kids in High School who did the same thing. But it does muddy the Death of the New Gods waters even more.

According to DiDio, DotNG was a chance to parade out Kirby’s children one last time. Which is totally cool. I still wouldn’t have recommended shoehorning the final bits into Countdown, but the actual parading is fine. I just think you could’ve done more with all of them (and less with some of Starlin’s pets for that matter). Like, the Forever People who pretty much show up dead.

But this review is for Final Crisis, not my ongoing problems understanding the DoftNG.

Final Crisis surprisingly did have some connection to Countdown. I had heard all of that was a wash, but Morrison does bother to bring in the Monitors, specifically, Nix Uotan. Not nearly enough to justify that crap I bought, but it at least made the barest reference.

Otherwise, I think I’m always surprised whenever Morrison just puts out a decent funny-book. While artistic in its own right (there’s a pretty awesome through-line about fire), it wasn’t trying too hard to “blow my mind” or show the obvious influence of a handful of mescaline. It was just a decent story about stuff going wrong in the DCU.

Awesome.

I think a lot of people—myself included—expected this to open with a homerun. Instead it opens with a solid base hit. And that’s better. So many of these events burn brightly and fizzle.

I expect Morrison to load the bases first, and then start hitting people home for the big Grand Slam at the end.

That’s the hope at least. If he pulls this off… well, it’s a little early for that.

So far, the prognosis is awesome.

So that’s my comics story and I’m sticking to it.

Sorry it was late.

Wizard World Philly BrainDump ‘08

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 23:31:25 GMT

Went to Wizard World Philly on Saturday with the wife and wife's husband: the hza.

We made the scene, saw the sights, and tried to wash the stars from my eyes. After a few days to recover, reflect and remember it all, here’re the scoops:

11 a.m.-12 p.m.
WIZARD LEGENDS OF COMICS
The Jim Mooney Room
Join Wizard Editor Brian Cunningham as we gather industry legends Chris Claremont, Peter David, Greg Hildebrandt and Tom Brevoort for a once-in-a-lifetime discussion about how the comic industry—and its characters—have evolved through the years.

Starting the day off we went to this awkwardly named Wizard panel. Wizard Legends of Marvel more like. Brevoort sat on one side; everyone else, the other. This became a theme.

This was maybe the laziest panel I’ve ever seen. Cunningham, the “moderator” listlessly kept things moving with a selection of semi-retarded stock questions and a yawn.

Later the whole thing accidentally devolved into Talent versus Editorial. Which is a shame b/c fans naturally sided with the Talent, leaving Brevoort very alone for awhile. Really though the creators and fans came off as bitter old men confounded by technology and afraid of change. Much as we’re oft accused. Brevoort was more realistic than anyone. Amusingly enough, Brevoort looks exactly like his Bullpen Bulletins caricature.

Peter David brought it back to the positive, staving the hounds off of Tom, while Claremont sank deeper into his own miasma. Hildebrandt was largely there for the free water I think.

Chris Claremont may have elevated comics through his career, but he’s one of the worst diplomats for the medium*.

He looks great though. The last time I saw him (many moons ago) he was a fat piece of shit—no disrespect. As much as you’d expect from a comic creator, frankly. Now he’s slim, trim, and looking nothing like the promo picture they used of him.

…I’d fuck him. I’m just saying what we’re all thinking.

TGI Peter David though, lest the whole thing would’ve just been an awkward wash. By the end he elevated it to something at least passingly informative and it ended on an up-note.

*That said, later in the day I had a brief private word with him, he was considerably more approachable and genial. I think he just hates panels.

2-3 p.m.
DCU: CRISIS NOW!
The Steve Gerber Room - #201A
Dan DiDio, Senior VP—Executive Editor DCU and Ian Sattler, Senior Story Editor—DCU, are joined by J.G. Jones (Final Crisis), Art Baltazar (Tiny Titans), Jim Calafiore (Batgirl), Shane Davis (Superman/Batman), Tom Derenick (Trinity), Jimmy Palmiotti (Jonah Hex) and others, for a panel that’s not to be missed. The Sinestro War has passed, the Countdown is over and a Final Crisis is here! What lies ahead for our favorite heroes? Find out here!

Alright, I’ll say it: I think I have a man crush on Dan DiDio.

He obviously loves his job. He’s got a great energy and the personality to sell some comics.

I’ve said it before, DiDio’s job is to cheerlead—a huckster, the hza called him—and he’s great at it. Yeah, I’ve heard him quoted saying some things that raise the hair on the back of our collective necks, but it ain’t easy being a public figure of any stripe. We all say lots of stupid, poorly thought out stuff. No one is writing it down to hold against us later. Plus, let’s face it, fans underestimate just how ungrateful and annoying we are as a people.

For instance, DiDio opened by having guests recap things going on around the DCU. Good move, gets the crowd involved. When one dude got up to recap the most recent Action Comics he clearly wanted to make a point and DiDio waved him off and went on to the next item.

I thought that was slightly bad form, but understandable. In the middle of a Pep Rally you don’t want to call on someone to give you an “ess” only to have them point out your mascot is an abused animal.

But when it came to the Q&A portion, DiDio pointed this guy back out and said now he could get into his commentary. The guy said his peace and Dan addressed his minor concern as best he could. What more do you really want?

“But Marty,” you’re saying, “he hates Nightwing; he disrespects Young Justice; he doesn’t like Linda Danvers. How can you stick up for this guy? You’re just kissing his ass b/c you hope he’ll hire you some day.”

That’s fair, internets. But mind you, opposites attract.

Seriously though, I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry. He’s great for DC and great for comics. Or—at the very least—the business of superhero funny-books. Yeah, his every idea might not be Editorial gold. A good number of the decisions he’s saddled with (good and ill) probably aren’t even his. Part of his job is collecting flack and you know what, he did that with a smile and wink too.

I think if he can roll out of the constant barrage of crossovers with some grace—which they claim to be trying—he’ll be remembered as one of the great EiC’s. It’s a little early for all of that, and I’d like to see how Final Crisis pans out before crowning him King of Comics or anything, but I’m more happy with him than not.

Yes, this last year was a bit of a train wreck—for both companies. The difference being, DiDio’s copped to it. If DC learns from their mistakes as much as their triumphs, DC will be in plenty good hands moving forward. That was the plan, so I’m bothering to be hopeful.

And I got to thank him for Stephanie Brown, which I’m sure he’s tired of hearing about, but ever since Dr. Benhatton put out the all call for more gratitude from fandom, I felt it was right and proper. He took it well… at least the first time. Really, he took it well the second time it got brought up too, but made a point out of it: If people like an idea, they praise the writer; if they hate it, they blame Editorial.

At least he can laugh about it. Beyond writing MH+DD 4Eva on my jeans in ballpoint pen over and over some other stuff happened:

Ethan Van Sciver had to dodge more questions than anyone I’ve ever seen. It was adorable. Every one of them involved Barry Allen. So, hey, look for him to be working with Barry soon.

The Tiny Titans guys are panel gold! Be on the lookout for the next issue, where Starfire takes her friends back to Tamaran to help her clean her room. Awesome.

Ian Sattler kept turning off Jimmy Palmiotti’s mic. After talking up the Power Girl series with such gems as: “everything in this series is going to be big” and “there’re two reasons to love this comic” etc, etc, tongue-in-cheek, somebody probably should’ve.

Jim Calafiore pimped a Batgirl limited series with Adam Beechen which will fill in Batgirl’s crazy period. I think I can probably skip it, but Beechen was sad to see crazy Cassie go, so this should be a good opportunity for him to say goodbye. It might even be good.

I found myself again entertaining Trinity based on the advance buzz they were kicking out. Giffen’s Reign in Hell got a little time and it sounds like it could be a good time and it leads into the recent Titans stuff. I’ll probably pick it up.

The Lightning Round was good fun. DiDio continues to be unable keep a secret for long. It’s really quite charming. F’rinstance, did you know Damien isn’t Bruce’s kid*?

I had to change my second question into a yes/no thing and I framed it a little weird. Even still I got an odd response: “Are there plans to expand the storytelling potential of the multiverse post-Final Crisis?” I asked. “No.” he answered.

Did he not understand the question? Did I not understand the answer? Does that mean the multiverse is going to die (it was earlier stated that Grant would be “taking care of it” but it didn’t sound like a forecast of doom)? Are there just no plans? Does he not feel the storytelling potential needs to be expanded?

Perhaps it wasn’t the best Lightning Round question.

All in all it was a fun panel b/c the panelists had fun.

*This was never explicit, but his inability to answer the question was fairly damning.

MARVEL: CUP O’ JOE
The Steve Gerber Room - #201A
Join the EEK himself, Joe Quesada, as he unveils what’s in store for all your favorite Marvel characters and creators, makes some surprising announcements, and takes on any and all questions! As always, this is the one, no-holds barred panel that everyone’s gonna be talking about, and the one panel you don’t want to miss! Plus, Hero Initiative is raffling off a $2,000, special edition Iron Man LG cell phone! Don’t miss it!

I missed the Cup of Joe panel, which I’m fine with. The hza went to hear if he won the raffle. His report was far from glowing. Mostly it was Joe Q continuing to stand pat that Brand New Day was great and it only changed “one thing”.

Which is the one thing, Joe? Osborne being alive and healthy? Gwen Stacey? Mary Jane? Peter’s identity being a secret? Peter having lived with the Avengers? Working for Tony Stark? Being dumb enough to make a deal with the devil so he can live with his Aunt? Which one thing did we change again?

When he wasn’t defending his pet project he talked sales and sales potential. Yeah, b/c fanboys love numbers.

Jackass*.

*I think Marvel is doing some great comics right now, but Joe Q has all the personality of a kick to the balls.

3:30-4:30 p.m.
WRITER/ARTIST DYNAMIC: FROM PLOT TO PENCIL
The Wizard School Room - #202A
Comic book triple threat Jimmy Palmiotti (Jonah Hex, Countdown to Final Crisis) and spunky artist extraordinaire Amanda Conner (JSA: Classified, Birds of Prey) will be sitting students down and telling them what it takes to get their stories from their brain to the page. This session will also touch on the challenge posed by character creation and what you can do to overcome it! 3:30-4:30 p.m.

I went to this instead.

Which starred a surprising lack of “spunky” Amanda Connors. I never did hear why. Instead of covering writer/artist collaboration, it became a writer panel about writing, guest starring Frank Tieri.

No offense, Frank, but you’re not as easy on the eyes.

It was a cool little workshop though, as run by two goombas who pretty much just BSed about the biz and how tough it is to break in. My wife snuck in toward the end and made fun of Palmiotti later b/c his answer to every question was: “There is no easy answer”.

But… there is no easy answer, y’know? He’d be lying if he said otherwise.

Some people were taking notes. This struck me as particularly retarded. It wasn’t a class. It was a prolonged Q/A with some anecdotes in between. The girl next to me wrote down: ”Newspapers.”; “Index Cards.” Was that really easier than just remembering that newspapers are a good source of stories or that Palmiotti used to block out his books on index cards?

We also learned that Alan Moore is bat-shit, bird-eating crazy, well, more like reiterated.

Unfortunately, since there were no easy answers, there wasn’t a lot I took away from it. That isn’t b/c I’m so scary smart or anything. More that I’ve already learned the one point he really tried to drive home: Just write.

Write it for free. Write it for peanuts. Hang around and offer to pick up work. Write for local papers. Anything. Write. When you’re good and famous, then maybe you can have an opinion about what you write. Until then, write anything—everything that comes your way.

This was followed by a few questions that involved “Should I blah blah blah?”. To whit, Palmiotti’s response was unanimously: “Does it pay?”

This continued to stimey at least half the audience who probably fancy themselves artistes. Poor kids.

From there I ran to catch a Peter David signing, only to find out I didn’t have to run. I just had to wait behind Claremont as he and Peter discussed going to a baseball game or not.

I couldn’t really think of anything witty or awesome to say to either of them, so I waited on-deck. Peter’s wife urged us to interrupt, but I hate being that guy. So instead the wife and I chatted with her for awhile. She’s a riot, man. If you get a chance, spend some time with Mrs. David, you can tell what he sees in her, no doubt.

We complimented each other’s T-shirts and talked a bit about “The Mouse”. It was a good time. I walked away with Young Justice #1 and X-Factor #87 (which I had to hunt for on the unforgiving sales floor) signed by the man, so I felt pretty good about the whole thing.

The wife and I got to compliment Claremont as he was leaving. Specifically for the Magik limited series he wrote, like, a hundred years ago. He was a bit rushed, but as I said above, he was considerably more personable than on the panel. He thanked us, shared some words and hurried on. Probably expositing the whole way*.

*If only I could tell that young couple the strong desire I feel to run from this place. But I cannae. As Chris Claremont I have a duty to uphold to my fans. But how can I answer questions or accept their praise about a series older than half the guests here when I barely believe in myself? I’m only invulnerable when I’m panelin’.

After all that, we didn’t have much to do until… the AFTER PARTY!

So we went and saw the Old City store and hung out with Brian for awhile. We grabbed a bite to eat then headed over to Mota, the club where it was all going down.

We were on “the list” and got to drink for free. Which totally made us feel like celebrities. The wife and I drank like we were on a goddamn mission, getting more than a little loaded.

Loaded enough to amuse passers-by with our dancing antics. It’s a shame my wife is so shy, considering I think she befriended about a million drunken strangers.

Later, we went for a pee together, which drew some awesome looks as we came out of the bathroom. We’ll let them believe we were doing something sexier than voiding our bladders in there.

It was a little loud, but the guy spinning records was fairly decent.

All of which lasted until the booze ran out and it was time for….

The AFTER-AFTER PARTY held at the Old City Store.

Getting drunk in a comic shop is highly recommended.

I made several drunken purchases which I do not remember, but neither do I regret.

We were all pleased to learn that David Mack digs mc chris (and might have done his next album cover? I was a little drunk, but I think I heard that).

That’s right fanboy, I got drunk with David Mack. Okay, okay, truth be told, I got drunk near David Mack, but I’m sticking to that first story. Hey, he remembered my name. That counts.

Michael Avon-Oeming looks like my cousin Drew and has a hottie asian wife/girlfriend… also like my cousin Drew. It was freaking me out.

Then I told him about my balls.

Being drunk with comic celebs is perhaps not as recommended. But, hey, he asked. Okay, so I brought it up and then he asked. I’m also sticking to the first version of that story too.

We apparently missed the late train, but luckily got a designated drive home.

Rich: Thank you soooo much. We arguably had a Plan B, only she didn’t know she was Plan B yet.

Upon arriving home, we actually cracked open a few more with Rich before we had to lie down before we fell down.

The wife and I took turns cooling our foreheads on the porcelain of our bathroom. Neither of us were “productive”, but it sure slowed the ceiling down a bit.

All in all, it was a good time. The wife and I got to feel like we were young for a night. I peed in a public space. I told an Eisner nominated artist about someone applying lasers to my nuts.

What else could you want from a Comic Convention, letalone a Saturday night?

Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 7

Fri, 30 May 2008 23:04:42 GMT

There were more posts planned for this week, but things exploded at work, my lingering Young Justice anger died down, and I’m not quite sure how to address the internets' irrational hatred of the otherwise fun and fabulous Indiana Jones.

So let’s just get to the fighting and call it a week.

With my newly discovered love of an indy comic, let’s shout out to the indies this week with comic book: “singer/songwriter”: Terry Moore of Strangers in Paradise.

Tonight’s Card

Katina “Katchoo” Choovanski

versus

David Qin

When we join our contenders David has just evidenced the worst timing ever by interrupting Katchoo’s much-coveted make-out with best friend and otherwise straight roommate Francine Peters.

Also he turned out to be the brother of Katchoo’s psychotic ex crime-boss/girlfriend. So, there are trust issues.

Trust issues which can only be hashed out in the rain.

David, David, David. With a sister as evil as yours you should know better than to set a girl up with a line like that.

Yup… should’a seen that coming.

This one looks over before it started kids. Any last words, Ms. Choovanski?

Now, now dear. No regrets.

Who loves’em, leaves’em, and never regrets punching them out on the front lawn? Hells yeah, Bahlactus!

Words and Pictures: Terry Moore

Last Week in Comics

Wed, 28 May 2008 20:57:47 GMT

It was a really good week in comics, lots of fun stuff happened. Let’s review.

Birds of Prey #118

And the Fifth World is officially here. That took, what, six minutes?

And that’s cool. I remember liking this look when it appeared in the Seven Soldiers: Mister Miracle series. But I continue to be a little sad the old guard passed.

I mean, are all these other worlds for nothing? I know traditionally, the Fourth World are their own dimension and thus never were as infinite as some Earths. Letalone 52 varieties.

Oh well, they’re kind of cool. And so is this issue.

I wasn’t overly pleased with Bedard’s last couple of forays with the Birds, but this is a nice start and even bothers to have an interesting couple of twists.

Next issue looks good too. I guess I won’t be dropping it afterall.

Brave and the Bold #13

Did you know this series apparently doesn’t sell all that well?

That’s incredible. It’s awesome! What’s wrong with you people? What are you reading if not Catwoman, Brave and the Bold and/or Blue Beetle. Or all the rest of my favorite comics that do mediocre numbers?

This issue was another great outing with a terrific pair. It looks less like it’s setting up another story arc and more like Waid throwing a couple good jaunts out before he moves on to his EiC position at BOOM! Studios.

But it’s all just so charmingly old school with new school sensibility.

“Dick Cheney is not amused. Send the robo-samurai!”

That’s adorable. And that isn’t even the tip of the adorable iceberg. Oh no.

Watching Batman and Jay Garrick work together is a pretty little ditty from start to finish. It’s filled with “awww” and a little bit of “rock’n’roll”.

Here’s an example of the former.

“My daddy was ‘sir’, and he’s been dead for 80 years.”

All together now: Awwww. Batman called someone “sir”.

I’m almost sorry for wishing Jay would just die already. I guess he has a point afterall….

“Also you get to be largely rude to civil servants. It’s an okay life.”

The hand is yours old man.

Catwoman #79

(SIGH!!!)

Yeah, awesome. Thanks again for not reading.

I mean, what’s the point in even telling you this issue kicked the crap out of most of its peers this week? You apparently don’t believe me.

It was awesome, though. I’m personally interested to see if Slam lets it go as much as he lets Selina think.

Countdown to Mystery #8

I stopped reading the Eclipso parts of this series. Stone stopped reading it.

It’s simply that bad from art to bottom. Not so much bad, as boring as hell and completely ignorable.

The Dr. Fate stuff, however, was really good. Better than it had any business being. Especially considering I was intending to hate it going in.

And I’m not just saying that b/c the man who wrote it has since passed on. This series is only a footnote in Steve Gerber’s storied career. Saying this was great doesn’t mean all that much in the grand scheme of his portfolio. But it was and had remarkable personality.

As an homage, four different authors finished the story four different ways. It’s a little bit of a mindfuck, but it’s still a cool idea and a nice way to say goodbye to a friend.

Once again, I’m with Jon. I think Beechen’s was the best ending, but they were all good in their own way. If you took a pass on this series, I’d suggest picking it up collected.

Justice League of America #21

I think I’d like to see what McDuffie could/would do with a company wide crossover. This issue plays well with others and still gets some general bookkeeping done. It’s delicious.

I think it’s funny that a good third of this issue is the “Big 3” sitting around talking, but nobody is pissing and moaning about it. Granted I can see how this isn’t Meltzer. But it’s still a large tract of three superheroes talking instead of punching things and no one minded.

B/c it’s not superheroes talking that bothers people. It’s Brad Meltzer. And that’s a shame.

This was good, poignant, involved the above-referenced bookkeeping and was funny.

“Alright, Bruce you already kicked all my puppies. You happy now?”

It’s filled with all sorts of wonderful characterization from heroes and villains alike. If you don’t know who the Human Flame is, you’re missing out.

What’s more amazing, he comes off with any amount of legitimacy in this issue and even gets one over on his so-called contemporaries. Watch him give Luthor some chin-music and survive.

“Fuck you, that’s my name ya bald prick.

I love Grodd and Savage here. And Luthor is forced to take it. That’s awesome.

I can’t help but look at the Human Flame, dreamcast and smile.

Good stuff in this issue, and it helped get me even more excited for Final Crisis. Which is absolutely the point, no?

Justice Society of America #15

Hey! Another Geoff Johns superhero pile-on! Wow! This really has gotten old!

The last two issues of JSA summarized in two panels.

Once again you’ve got jerks like Mr. America jumping in as if he’s anything more than a liability. Holy crap, seriously? No wonder people die in every other issue Johns writes, this is the best tactic they can think of for every threat. If you just don’t know how to write a fight scene Geoff, I offer my services. The C-List characters of the DCU beseech you.

Goddamnit this book has equal parts suck for everything good in it. I keep telling myself I’ll hang on until the end of the arc, but the arc apparently goes into 2009. Fuck.

Side note: And here I though that was Kingdom Come Green Lantern and Obsidian—well, technically they are—but it’s just Alan and Todd inexplicably looking exactly like they do in the world next door?

That’s really stupid.

And getting stupider.

Superfriends #3

Based on the toys by Mattel!

What is left to say about this month’s issue of Superfriends other than: Felix Faust teaches you to make your own JLA Fingerpuppets?

Awesome.

Mighty Avengers #14

In summation: “If you find yourselves faced with the most powerful hero on Earth. Just tell him it’s all his fault. That should make him cry himself to sleep on the other side of Saturn. Don’t worry about it. What could possibly go wrong?”

What goes wrong is a little bit awesome, and worth every penny I spent on this issue.

X Factor #31

I figured there would be more issues to this story arc.

That One-Shot totally threw me off. Oh well.

I mean, it ended okay. It just felt sudden. There were a few good gags, a nice bit of emotion but ultimately I think this was just Peter David’s way of getting around all this X-Men Disassembled nonsense with most of his team intact. Bravo to that.

Val Cooper should feature moving forward and I’m into that. And I like how they used her to allude to the Skrull Invasion and that Tony doesn’t give a crap about Mutants.

Top notch.

Dreamwar #2

Okay, so hza called how this series was gonna end after, like, one panel.

But, hey, just b/c you know where it’s going doesn’t mean it’s not awesome. It reminds me that I need to go back and reread Invasion!

Giffen pulls together a pretty good crossover (without the crossover), and seamlessly flows between characterization. Even when everyone is acting out of character—everyone but Chuck Tayne of course. B/c Chuck Tayne bangs triplets on his days off from banging emotionally scarred twins, that's why.

It’s pretty awesome. Especially if you’re like me and enjoy the Wildstorm Universe just enough to love watching it get kicked in the junk.

Marty’s Runner Up of the Week
Robin #174

Runner up?

Listen, I’m overjoyed that Stephanie is back; in ways I find difficult to articulate. This issue delivers in every way possible: Spoiler returns with the least suspension of disbelief arguably possible. And for that I thank everyone who had a hand in this, especially you Mr. Dixon.

As fantastic as that is, that’s really all this issue is. One big “yay, Spoilers back!” block party. So it only nets runner up.

“I mean, you can’t be Robin and all. But I guess you can stay.”

I love that Batman’s all, like, “I totally already knew that.”.

“Occam’s Razor: That story was too stupid to have happened; ergo, Stephanie was alive…. Well, and those cases are expensive.”

Really, they could’ve fed me any old crap and I would’ve been just as happy to have Miss Brown back. But it certainly helps that it was Dixon and it was good.

Meanwhile the fangrrrls over at Girl-Wonder seem to either be congratulating themselves unduly for being pests or waiting to be told what their opinion should be. (sigh). Props to Doctor Benhatton, who already said it better.

Marty's Pick of the Week
Batman and the Outsiders #7

Man it's really good to have Dixon back. Maybe I should’ve been reading Rush City, b/c he’s killing the books he’s on at the moment.

The only reason this wins over Robin is b/c this is a better single issue of comics, despite Robin's longer time coming.

I don’t know that I’ve ever read Dixon doing a team book before, I was worried about that coming in. Sure, Birds of Prey probably counts nowadays, but not the way Dixon wrote it.

He switches between personalities, dialogue and multiple conflicts beautifully. Including characters that until recently were creator’s pets, like Grace and Thunder. And I get to read Batgirl as she’s intended and TGI Nightwing! You have to know I jumped up and down cheering when he showed up.

There’s a lot that goes on in any given issue even if the arc itself has been fairly protracted. This might be the first time I’ve seen someone put Rex in a danger that I can believe is actually dangerous for a man made of his own elements.

Really cool stuff and highly recommended.

And there’s room for a few chuckles too.

“Is this… is this a Bat-Sandwich?”

Classic.

Total Honorable Mention

So, the wife and I just got introduced and subsequently caught up on the Scott Pilgrim over the weekend with much thanks to the hza for believing the hype.

Holy shit! Why have you been keeping this to yourselves internet? If this series was any better I would have to service it sexually.

It’s like all the best things from Box Office Poison, Strangers in Paradise, manga, the good Kevin Smith movies and Final Fantasy all mixed into one lovably-dense protagonist-driven, digest-sized, funomicron!

Man, I’ve been missing out.

Although since it only took me a day and half to get caught up to current, now I have to hurry up and wait for the next volume like everyone else. If my poor timing had a face I would punch it in the balls.

Seriously, this series is the bee’s tits. Pick it up if you’re as culturally backwards as I am and didn’t totally know that already.

That’s my comics story and I’m sticking to it.

The wife and I went out and dumped a load of dough at my local comic shop for their Memorial Day sale. Unfortunately I mostly used it as an opportunity to get a bunch of stuff I’ve read but don’t own. Like Watchmen, and the Ultimates trades. Which gives me stark little new stuff to read, but makes me feel better about my cred.

Also saw the new Indiana Jones which I thought was fan-frickin’-tastic. I’m going to see it again tonight and I’ll probably right some sort of obligatory review soon.

En Memoriam: Impulse

Tue, 27 May 2008 18:57:36 GMT

(Caveat: This theme will be almost entirely—necessarily—negative. My apologies to my loyal readership and my favorite past time).

Ahhh, Bartholomew Allen.

If there is a clearer instance of editorial mismanagement, bad writing and an overall failure to “get” a character, I have yet to read it. Ever since Johns took over Teen Titans the treatment of Impulse was increasingly ham-handed and apparently without plan.

Poor, sweet, lovable Bart. A fresh look at a superhero legacy-in-training as played by a happy-go-lucky tweenager with no concept of consequence. The very laws of cause and effect were a mystery to him, having grown up in virtual reality. He was brought to the past (our present) to find a cure for his rapid aging and left as Wally’s charge who quickly passed him off on Max Mercury. Hijinx ensue.

It was always fun to watch how Impulse succeeded despite himself, or what kind of trouble he might get him and his friends into.

Presumably that kind of fun comic storytelling had no place in the DCU in 2003 (for, like five minutes). So they handed the reigns from the likes of the always fun Peter A. David to the dour and brooding creator of such gritty noir classics as Stars and S.T.R.I.P.E.

In short order, Johns mouth-raped Bart by blowing his knee off with a shotgun so the character could “grow organically” over two issues into a character he was never intended to be: the nebulously heroic Flash on-deck.

Bart went from a unique and interesting character to yettanother disowned sidekick. He went from a fun character you could introduce any kid to comics through to an undistinguishable half-formed idea.

Now instead of iconographic thought balloons and comic relief he could spout vapid heroic dialogue like everyone else. A perfect fit for the increasingly dour Teen Titans, just not the character to-date nor his teammates. One shot to the kneecap and the first of many lines was crossed that could not be uncrossed—or rather, probably could’ve been, but editorial wasn’t in that kind of mood for awhile.

It’s not as if a bullet to the knee was Bart’s first rodeo, either. Bart had come face to face with his own death on Apokolips and forced to deal with it.

And he did. Still had a sense of humor and wonder in tact afterward too. Because that’s how Bart rolled.

At least until Wally shit on him unnecessarily and he got his kneecap blown off. If that happens suddenly he’s Wally from 30 years ago. Another masterstroke by Geoff Johns, Professional Asshat.

And listen, I think Geoff has really shaped up his game since all of this. I think he’s writing some of the best—if fan-servicing—comics, right now. However, he’s still the guy who doesn’t understand that it’s okay for people other than Superman to just be nice guys (eg. Impulse, Alex Luthor, Superboy Prime, Damage, etc).

Nope, unless you’re an analogue for his little sister or some chick he went to high school with, you have no business having a sunny attitude about anything. Afterall, this is DC Comics, not the high-imagination/low-reality offices of Marvel. Everybody knows that.

When this predictably didn’t make the character more interesting to read or write, instead of admitting this wasn’t the right direction for the character they turned it up to 11. Bart aged another four years or some crap, and became the full-fledged Flash. That should wipe the last of that tell-tale uniqueness from the character.

Good work.

Did you read Fastest Man Alive? It was mediocre at best. They weren’t the worst comics ever as some would have you believe, but they were still pretty awful. It made it seem clear nothing was pre-planned for this musical Flashes routine. It was just dealt with after the fact with predictably crappy results.

Another instance of a handful of people deciding that if they don’t want to read a book about Wally having kids than no one does. If they didn’t like Young Justice, no one did. If they couldn’t figure out what made Impulse great for seven years than no one could.

Instead of finding someone who did, or, y’know, asking the character’s creators. They seemed to understand those things somehow.

There was still time even. The arc that killed Bart could’ve easily zigged instead of zagged. Wally could’ve come back and Impulse could’ve de-aged and we all could’ve tried again. Afterall, this is comics. We swallow an awful lot of nonsense as fans. Instead TPTB remained dedicated to the idea that there can be only one Flash at a time… except that there have always been at least two.

Yeah, that last story was almost okay, but it wasn’t, like, a Countdown to Infinite Crisis kind of shining moment. It was just vaguely heroic, ultimately pointless and still more or less sub-par for Bart’s big send off. Bonus: also extremely out of character for most of the Rogues.

Bart; the once wide-eyed and youthful take on superpowers with none of the angst. More powerful in everyway than any Flash before him, but tempered by his inability to sit still and pay attention became a crummy sidekicky legacy character that took over his mantle in a retardiculously short amount of time; sucked, failed and died for no reason whatsoever.

(sigh).

R.I.P. Bart. We miss you.

R.I.P. Mr. Wieringo, we miss you too.

A lot.

En Memoriam

Mon, 26 May 2008 13:51:32 GMT

Happy Memorial Day!!

A time to remember all those who died fighting the good fight.

Who have given their lives both nobly…

and ignobly to serve the innocent.

Who have willingly sacrificed themselves to the cause of good.

Who stood up to battle tyranny, be they foreign…

or domestic.

Who walked through the valley of death without fear.

Who made themselves the thin red line between their loved ones and harm.

Who were too young…

and too proud to know the full extent of their actions.

Who faced their fates whether too fast to question.

Or too lingering to imagine.

Knowing someday they will again be with the ones they love.

In the place no shadows fall.

En Memoriam

Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 6

Fri, 23 May 2008 21:10:20 GMT

In celebration of Captain Britain getting a new series and/or dying and/or getting thrown bodily through the Siege Perilous to come back as a ninja supermodel, I figured I’d reach back for a different kind of classic.

Marvel UK represent, bitches.

Tonight’s Card:

Brian “Captain Britain” Braddock

versus

Byron “Kaptain Briton” Brad-Dhok

Mix a drunk Steve Rogers with the Tick and you’ve got Captain Britain.

Now do the fistful of requisite drugs it takes to understand what’s going on in any given issue of this landmark series. With or without the Technet.

We catch up with our hero as he returns home to find himself… literally.

“Not on the wine!”

Ahh, the Marvel Universe, is there nothing that can’t be solved with fisticuffs?

You've gotta’ admit that’s awkward: coming home only to find you’re already there... and better dressed.

“Why you hitting yourself? Why you hitting yourself?*”

Winner… um, Captain Britain of Earth-616?

Wrong, fanboy!

Kaptain Briton of Earth-794! Read it and weep:

“Dude, I have got to quit drinking, this isn’t even my dimension.

White Queen Opul Lun Sat-Yr-9’s poppet takes home tonight’s prize.

If you think it’s creepy being replaced by your Omniversal counterpart. Imagine one that keeps trying to make time with your sister. Ewww.

Don’t worry about Betsy though. She might not be a ninja supermodel yet, but she gets hers…

Fatality!

That’s how they do things at the Braddock Estate.

What’s the matter Yank? Didn’t think they thugged-out like that across the pond? You’ve never been to a football match then, have you?

Every Earth, every time, it’s Captain Bahlactus to you, punk.

Malfeas

Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 12

DCversusMarvel

Seven Dirty Words

Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 9

The Golden AgeversusDan “Dynaman” Dunbar

Seriously, if you’ve never read James Robinson and Paul Smith’s Golden Age, you’re doing it wrong. I could scan a hundred panels and still not capture the face-melting rawesome therein.

Last Week in Comics

*for the uninitiated, I don’t mean “Third World” as in poverty conditions, I mean the precursor to Kirby’s Fourth World. If you still don’t know what I mean… boy, you really are uninitiated. Why are you reading my blog?

It's a Grrrrrl

Illyana Catherine Karabin

Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 8

J’onn “Martian Manhunter” J’onnz versusAn Early Career Retrospective

The Manhunter From Mars:J’onnathan J’onnz versus SHAZAM’s Champ:Captain Marvel

Credits remarkably uncredited for most of the above. The last bits are, of course, the dream team at the law offices of Giffen, DeMatties & Maguire.

Last Week in Comics

Wizard World Philly BrainDump ‘08

*That said, later in the day I had a brief private word with him, he was considerably more approachable and genial. I think he just hates panels.

*This was never explicit, but his inability to answer the question was fairly damning.

*I think Marvel is doing some great comics right now, but Joe Q has all the personality of a kick to the balls.

Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 7

Katina “Katchoo” ChoovanskiversusDavid Qin

Words and Pictures: Terry Moore

Last Week in Comics

En Memoriam: Impulse

(Caveat: This theme will be almost entirely—necessarily—negative. My apologies to my loyal readership and my favorite past time).

En Memoriam

Happy Memorial Day!!

En Memoriam

Friday Night Fights Classic: Round 6

Brian “Captain Britain” Braddock versus Byron “Kaptain Briton” Brad-Dhok

Written by Jamie Delano, drawn by the always awesome Alan Davis. *Heh, that joke’s good two weeks in a row.

DC

versus

Marvel

The Golden Age

versus

Dan “Dynaman” Dunbar

Illyana
Catherine
Karabin

J’onn “Martian Manhunter” J’onnz

versus

An Early Career Retrospective

The Manhunter From Mars:
J’onnathan J’onnz

versus

SHAZAM’s Champ:
Captain Marvel

Katina “Katchoo” Choovanski

versus

David Qin

Brian “Captain Britain” Braddock

versus

Byron “Kaptain Briton” Brad-Dhok

Written by Jamie Delano, drawn by the always awesome Alan Davis.
*Heh, that joke’s good two weeks in a row.